Originally published May 11, 2006:

I'm a 22-year-old woman with a 21-year-old boyfriend of 11 months. He loves eating my ass. He goes for my ass when I wake up, after I get out of the shower, when I get home from work. At first it felt good as hell, but now it's too freaky. We haven't had vaginal sex or cunnilingus for a month! I made up every excuse possible for him not to do it, but he became violent and went into a rage accusing me of infidelity. I love him, but the whole ass thing freaks me out. Should I stay or should I go?

Grossed Out In Baltimore

My response after the jump...

Smart women everywhere regard baseless accusations of infidelity—particularly ones that come packaged in violence and rage—as proof that it's time to DTMFA, GOIB.

Butt first: There's nothing wrong with a man who wants to eat a woman's ass—or toss her salad, as the straight kids say. And no, ladies, there's nothing gay about a boy sticking his tongue up a girl's butt. Like most every sex act, save solo or cyber, eating ass carries health risks—all the usual STIs along with intestinal parasites (it does, however, present a relatively low risk for HIV transmission). Tossers can minimize their risks by eating only freshly showered butt and by reserving rimming, as the gay kids call it, for regular partners that you know to be in good sexual health.

Back to your boyfriend, GOIB: His thing for your ass isn't the problem. Sure, his sexual selfishness is problematic, but that issue is eclipsed by your boyfriend's willingness to resort to violence in order to manipulate you sexually. That should freak you out more than the ass-eating thing. If he's flying into violent rages to get you to submit to his sexual demands, then he's an abuser and you need to dump the motherfucker already.