Fact: I'm kind of particular about the way I want to be serial-murdered. Sorry, but I'm just not the type to be serial-murdered by any random Charlie Manson coming down the pike. That's why—when I'm searching for just the right serial murderer—the first place I look is on my TV.

Obviously there's Dexter from Showtime's Dexter, who seems like a very pleasant murderer, and I could totally see myself being serial-murdered by him. (He's got a nice smile!) On the other hand, I would most definitely not want to be serial-murdered by The Following's psycho Joe Carroll—who leads an entire gang of copycat killers. (Sorry, I'm a "one serial murderer" type of guy.) Nor would I want to be serial-murdered by Cult's Billy Grimm, who somehow tricks people into killing themselves. Umm... hello? That's just lazy! If I wanted to serial-murder myself, I'd do it without any help from this guy!

There's also the BBC's Ripper Street, in which Victorian-era England is terrorized by a bunch of different creepy killers—all presumably inspired by Jack the Ripper. Again... if you people can't think of an original way of serial-murdering me, I'll have to take my serial-murder business elsewhere!

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