Originally published July 10, 2008.

I am a heterosexual male in my 20s, and I need some help putting a label on my kink/fetish. I usually don't care much for labels in any aspect of life, but I'm hoping that knowing what to call this may help me find others who share the same interest: I love it when a woman watches me masturbate. She doesn't have to touch me at all, take off her own clothes, or play with herself. However, she has to enjoy watching me for me to enjoy performing. I have no interest in "flashing" or otherwise imposing myself on someone who doesn't want to watch. Also, I don't want to show just anyone; I just enjoy being watched by a woman.

I've seen some CFNM porn, but that often seems to be more about humiliation, which I'm not interested in at all.

Wanting A Named Kink

My response after the jump...

If you're looking for a label, WANK, what's wrong with "exhibitionist"? It's a fine, serviceable term, and an honorable sexual pursuit—provided, of course, that you exhibit yourself exclusively to women who wish to take in your exhibition. A flasher may be the first thing that pops to mind when people hear the term "exhibitionist," WANK, but while all flashers are exhibitionists, it doesn't follow that all exhibitionists are flashers. Perhaps you could start a movement to reclaim "exhibitionism" from the creeps?

As for CFNM porn—that's "clothed female, naked male"—most of it features strong subtexts (or domtexts) of humiliation, even seemingly vanilla-ish iterations, but that's unavoidable. CFNM upends all the usual gender power dynamics: The man is naked and vulnerable and subject to the woman's gaze; the woman is clothed and in control and assessing the man. Perhaps the role that dom/sub dynamics play in your turn-on is so subtle, WANK, that you honestly believe humiliation has nothing to do with it. But it's in there.