The Taliban Get a Swanky New Office: Right in the middle of Doha, Qatar. Afghan president Hamid Karzai didn't want them to get an office at all, but he is begrudgingly visiting the Taliban anyway so he can get the post-2014 peace process moving.

The War on Easter is Coming: Prepare for battle.

Kim Jong-Un Boasts Tremendous Arsenal: Including a fabricated picture of a beach landing, a clearly staged photograph of a meeting planning an attack on the "US mainland," and a set of long range missles most analysts agree don't exist. But, as North Korea declares a state of war, the US remains mostly concerned about the possibility of a cyber attack.

Lake Forest Park Water Worker Faces Embezzlement Charges: She allegedly used $350,000 of the small water district's money to fix her hot tub and go fishing.

Strange Yellow Orb Expected to Float Over Seattle This Weekend: Seattle residents are confused by the large, heat producing object, but analysts still expect to see large flocks of people basking in its glory.

Could You Come Up With 5000 Words About the Dangers of Smoking Marijuana? One man in the UK must find a way, or else he will spend a year in jail.

Huge Conspiracy Rocks Atlanta: Not drugs, not violence, not even a little embezzlement. No, it was elementary school tests. The alleged answer-altering, statistic-changing, fortune-winning scandal stretched all the way from third grade teachers to the district's superintendent.

Representative Don Young Apologizes for Saying "Wetback": Again, but this time he's really sorry.

Terrible: A Tacoma man was convicted of torturing and raping a woman in his "bondage room." He will be spending 12 years in prison. Meanwhile, a medical worker is facing accusations of raping an injured woman staying in an emergency room at Highline Medical Center in Burien.