Staring at "See Video of Bats Having Oral Sex" and trying to decide whether I was going to click on that shit at 6:45 AM.

And straight ladies? Read it and weep:

Initially, males groomed their penises to go erect before approaching females. When they gently touched females with their wings, females typically moved away, and males followed. When the females stopped moving, the males started licking the females’ vaginas—the act known as cunnilingus. This foreplay may help arouse and lubricate females, the researchers said. Each case of cunnilingus typically lasted about 50 seconds. The males then mounted the females for 10 to 20 seconds, and then went back to cunnilingus for 94 to 188 seconds. The researchers found that the longer the stints of cunnilingus before mating, the more copulation was prolonged.

A carefully groomed penis? And two-to-four minutes of the act known as bat cunnilingus for every twenty seconds of BPIBV (bat penis in bat vagina) intercourse? Math is hard, like Barbie said, and it's especially so at this hour. So I'm not going to try to figure out what the precise ratio is of intercourse-to-cunnilingus for lady bats. But I imagine that figure would make most human females jealous and/or depressed. Maybe it would be better for all if no one attempted that calculation. Let's just leave it alone, shall we?