The NBA can go fuck itself. Some really tall people beat some other really tall people in some kind of a game.

Alki Amsterdam? Swarms of cyclists are clogging Amsterdam's streets and creating traffic jams in the bike-crazed Dutch city. Bikes now outnumber people in Amsterdam, and account for 32 percent of all trips after growing 40 percent over the past two decades.

What we don't know can't hurt us. The EPA has dropped plans to complete a report reviewing theories that hydraulic fracturing may pollute ground water. Instead, it will instruct researchers to investigate the issue by sticking their heads in fracking wells and keeping them there.

A Maginot Line for the Internet. France's socialist government plans to introduce a law that would ban Amazon from offering bundled discounts and free delivery, citing unfair competition to the nation's book stores.

They'll regret this once their tribal lands are covered by a vast inland sea. The US government has approved plans for the Crow tribe to lease 1.4 billion tons of coal to a Wyoming company seeking to export it to China through Washington and Oregon.

But then how would Walmart employees afford to eat? Representative Louie Gohmert (R-TX) denies it is "evil" to cut funding for food stamps because poor people use it to buy luxury foods like "king crab legs." (You know, before they drive away in their Cadillacs.) The average food stamp benefit is $133 a month.

Surprise! Multiples studies conclude that wealthier individuals are more predisposed to acting unethically.

That's why I always fly under an assumed name. Lawyers for a group of Muslim Americans are challenging our nation's "No Fly" list, saying it is unconstitutional because there is no mechanism for clearing one's name.

Caught on the Cop-Cam: A Texas police officer is attacked by a monkey. A "professional monkey."

Something to do with the First Amendment? After a nationwide petition campaign, an Atheist woman will be granted US citizenship after all. The Houston immigration office had originally denied her application, rejecting her secular explanation for conscientiously objecting to war.

But what ever happened to our constitutional right to bear death rays? A self-described KKK member had reportedly intended to use his truck-mounted radiation death ray to target New York Governor Andrew Cuomo. Not that he had access to a radiation source for his dastardly device.

Senator Benton is a crybaby. State Senator Don Benton (R-Vancouver) has filed an ethics complaint, alleging that a girl yelled at him.

A Republican, of course: A New Hampshire legislator has resigned after sending an email blast to colleagues alleging the Boston Marathon bombing was a government plot: "Have you seen ANY main stream media doing a follow-up on these stories? I have not. I just connect the dots." Hmm. I think I've seen that email before. Every day.

Unreliable Sources. Perhaps if I fail at journalism just a little bit more, I can get a show on Fox News too?