Better than austerity-addled Europe. The nation's unemployment rate fell to 7.4 percent as the US Economy added 162,000 jobs in July, fewer than expected. Meanwhile, the Commerce Department announced that both consumer spending and inflation rose slightly in June.

Wouldn't want another of those Benghazi "scandals." An Al Qaeda linked threat has prompted the US State Department to close embassies throughout the Middle East starting Sunday.

Hey, Harry Reid... how's that filibuster compromise working out for you? Senate Republicans are vowing to block every Obama appointment to the DC Circuit Court of Appeals in an effort to eliminate three seats so as to maintain the court's conservative bias.

Bad news for Republicans: A team of researchers at Michigan State University have used game theory models to conclude that selfish traits are not favored by evolution.

Don't worry, it's just a theory. US scientists have found that even small changes in temperatures or rainfall are correlated with a rising tide of violent crime and war.

And all this time I just assumed that "gluten-free" meant "no gluten." Under new rules issued today, the FDA has finally defined the labeling term "gluten-free": less than 20 parts per million of gluten.

Probably had it coming. A 3-year-old Louisiana boy remains hospitalized in serious condition after being shot by a 5-year-old. Because America!

Too bad we don't have a "government" or something that could "regulate" such things. Traffic on northbound I-5 was backed up for seven miles last night after a rendering truck spilled dead animal parts across two lanes when it was forced to brake suddenly in traffic. The State Patrol says a similar incident occurred in late June when the contents "sloshed over" the sides of another rendering truck, because nobody, apparently, has thought to require trucks full of dead animal parts to cover their loads.

An octopus's garden. The Washington State Fish and Wildlife Commission is considering rules that would ban or restrict octopus hunting in Puget Sound, following an incident in which some asshole killed an octopus off Alki Point in October.

Capitalism! Police arrested eight fast food workers protesting wage theft outside a downtown Seattle McDonalds, rather than, you know, the people accused of stealing their wages.

It's so hard to meet people in Seattle. Seattle Police have arrested a 26-year-old man on indecent exposure charges for a June 3 incident in which he allegedly masturbated across the aisle from a 15-year-old girl, before asking her out on a date.

Future TSA employee: A Sound Transit contract security guard has been charged with voyeurism for allegedly taking up-skirt videos of riders at the SeaTac Airport light rail station.

I'm not sure that's following the spirit of the law. Heavily armed agents of the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources reportedly stormed an animal shelter near the Illinois border and killed a baby deer. Because Wisconsin law prohibits the possession of wildlife.

And finally, the Daily Show's John Oliver fisks Fox News coverage of the fast food workers' strike: