Slog Bible Study: Revelation 9:7-10

Comments

1
Time-limited tormentation mandate. Check.
2
Man, God was fine with regular locusts back in Exodus.
3
Heralding the start of the football season? (Cooler uniforms back then).
4
The Bible: word-of-God/horror-movie-script.
5
Tldr: "Do not eat the wild mushrooms on Patmos"
6
Fear based religion.
7
Suddenly the Pale Horse doesn't seem so scary anymore.

My parents must have missed this part when they were trying to use Revelation to leverage me out of my heathen and childish ways.

Like many Christians they were selective readers.
8
Politicians. Got it. So now we know.
9
1. Charles Mudede, Zombie Neoliberalism, 35-36.
10
Sounds a lot like my five-year-old nephew talking about an action-figure battle during an Easter morning sugar rush.
11
And all the humans had was Raid. The humans won.
12
@11 agreed; humans overcame God when they invented DEET and the indoor insect fogger.
13
No boots on the ground.
14
So they're locusts, except nothing at all like locusts.
15
It sounds like the guy who wrote that was tripping balls.
16
I miss 80's era Troma films.
17
Conjures up images of my ex, Tracy.
18
Dude with a buzz describing his war/fantasy-based video game. Probably only had enough points for 5 months' worth of torment.
19
old skool drones y'all.
20
Sounds like Republican primary season to me. You saw the hair on those people -- Trump, Gingrich, Bachmann, Palin, Rick Perry.

@2, locust plagues were pretty much an annual pestilence in the farming regions of the world until less than a hundred years ago. You should see the way people wrote about them on the Plains back before the Depression -- the Fear of God is nothing on comparison. They were truly horrific; miles upon miles of crops obliterated in seconds. People like to talk about how healthful and clean our grandparents' food was compared to today, but in reality it was drenched in arsenic and lead.
21
Such nice pets!
22
@21 - and good with crops!
23
DO NOT EAT THE BROWN MATZO!
24
Kind of funny that Protestants blindly accepted the Book of Revelation, despite the protests of folks like Martin Luther. News flash: Revelation is nothing more than anti-Roman propaganda-turned-pro-Roman propaganda. The Roman church adopted it 150 years after the other books because it justified the use of violence to suppress the heathen barbarians that threatened Rome in the 4th and 5th century. "Saint" Augustine led the political movement to adopt Revelation into the canon, and then subsequently used it to help support his Just War theory in City of God. Soldiers have been doing God's work ever since...
25
I have see the Ten Commandments move, and one of the Jesus movies, but filmmakers, listen up! These are the chapters that deserve movies. I'd pay at least 3 dollars to watch a biblical movie made by people who literally believe every word, and think every word deserves 3D (but the popcorn better be good). Will no one draw this creature?
26
"...five months they had the power to torment people"

This is the key phrase that tells us the whole thing is a metaphor for Ansel Herz's slog "locusts", or posts.
27
John the Revelations writer (over)uses so many similes, I suspect he was taking a Freshman Comp course on Patmos.
28
These didn't make it into The Cabin in the Woods. Even with killer clowns, disemboweling unicorns, rampaging robots and face-munching mermaids sharing the screen, they would still look too ridiculous by comparison.
29
One does not simply fly a horde of locusts into Mordor!
30
Tiny black locusts spying on your Internets.
31
Drugs are bad, mmkay?
32
Standing too near a burning (and DMT containing) Acacia bush?