If you're anything like me, you sleep like garbage. For instance, last night, I read myself to sleep at about 10:30 pm, but was already in and out of sleep by 2 until I got up at 6. This is totally par for my course. And it's a real downer when you have this problem, because even if you give an honest try at a good night's sleep, you're still screwed the next day. It should be said that I've always been a poor sleeper. When I was a kid, I'd lay awake for hours; my father is a horrible sleeper too. To this day my mom kicks him out onto the living room couch for too much snoring and tossing and turning.
These days, there are expensive and extensive tests, data-collecting apps, and a whole batch of drugs that offer to help you with sleeplessness, after which you may or may not find yourself unconsciously walking down the street in your pajamas eating a ham sandwich.
But you know what, kids? All that stuff is pretty complicated and probably overrated! Here's something you can try for free. A study published in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology found a correlation between exposure to "sleep-related words" and better naps:
After 5 minutes of exposure to sleep-related words like “cozy” and “relax,” people snoozed 47 percent longer during a brief nap period than those who didn’t see the language. Heart rates also dropped significantly among those who read the drowsy cue words—a sign of deeper rest, the study authors say. A follow-up experiment showed the words were just as effective among people with sleep issues.
That's all! Just give yourself nightly snuggle affirmations and you may or may not sleep better. Will it work? Totally maybe! But maybe all of you out there aren't poor sleepers. Surely the astute commenters of Slog have tried-and-true methods for falling and then staying asleep. Booze, weed, masturbation, a glass of wine and an antihistamine, moving to an island country, auto-asphyxiation? Help your insomniac brethren out in the comments section: How do you sleep (well) at night?