Let Them Cast off the Mantle of Humility and Bathe in the Blood of Their Enemies: Hawks cream Rams, a city rejoices.

"Oh, Hey! Cool Haircut. You Might Have Gonorrhea." Meet the government worker who tells your sexual partners that they might have a STD, so you don't have to.

How About Some Health Care to Go with Your Clap? Amidst ongoing website troubles (and plenty of other troubles), the Obama administration has extended the window to sign up for the Affordable Care Act until the end of March.

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A Sight More Precious Than Constellations: Scientists have invented a tiny telescope that can be implanted in the eyeballs of select blind people.

Wait Until Starbucks Moves In: Wyoming's smallest town, population 1, is set to become the birthplace of a Vietnamese coffee empire.

Five Dead in Texas: Police say a man went on a gruesome killing spree in a rural Texas community yesterday that left five people dead. Police arrested a suspect after an eight-hour manhunt.

Hurrah! As Paul mentioned yesterday, a federal judge struck down restrictive abortion laws passed by the Texas State Legislature earlier this year that would've closed many clinics and made access to safe, affordable abortions nearly impossible for most of the state's women.

The Biggest Wave Ever Surfed: While many Europeans were wisely staying indoors during yesterday's killer storm, some of them went surfing instead. And almost died. But the pictures are pretty!

Losing a Taste for Her Own Bullshit: Even Dianne Feinstein, chair of the Senate intelligence committee and a one-time tireless defender of the NSA's spying program, now admits that she's "totally opposed" to the US spying on its allies and is calling for a review of all government surveillance programs. Meanwhile, Obama seems poised to institute a ban on spying on allied heads of state.

Women and Weed: Yes, the stoner stereotype is a slacker dude (never a woman) and marijuana ads often feature offensive images like big-titted ladies with pot leaves for nipples (obviously geared towards male clientele), but more women are coming forward as out-and-proud smokers, which is important for many reasons:

The results of women exiting the cannabis closet could potentially be profound. If regular women—not just the stiletto stoners, Brownie Marys, Lady Gagas, or Jim Breuer-wannabes—admit to being one of the 17.4 million Americans who regularly smoke pot, we may begin to comprehend the real effects of weed on women. Not only could we begin to understand how marijuana specifically affects the female body, but, given women’s deep impact on drug legislation, the 750,000 annual marijuana arrests (which cost taxpayers up to $3 billion a year) could be reduced. And restricting the sale of pot to only those 21 and older could mean that rates of adolescent marijuana use would go down, a chief concern for parents who support legalization.

Sexxxy Halloween Costumes for 2013: Why not sexy Kim Jong Un, sexy STD, sexy Colonel Sanders, or a sexy SLUT (South Lake Union Trolley)? If those aren't good enough, Daily Kos has some sexy political costume suggestions.

Shall We Cut Off Her Head or Shove a Brick in Her Mouth? What our ancestors did with suspected vampires to keep them from coming back and feeding off the living.

Undercover Seattle Officers Go to Rave, Find Drugs. Here is my favorite part: "Patrol officers also contacted an 18-year-old woman around 2am Saturday morning, after they spotted her smoking marijuana in an alley outside the venue while two of her friends stood on lookout. Officers contacted the trio, took the teen’s marijuana and pipe (marijuana possession is a no-no for people under 21), and called her mother, who said she thought her daughter was at a sleepover." Bu-sted.