Hey, hey! This is it! As mentioned in the Morning News, it's election day, meaning it's the day to sit around filling in bubbles on a piece of paper that will dictate if corporate shills stay in charge or if super-awesome insurgent candidates who care more about working people than corporations get to go to City Hall. You know what you have to do, right? You don't? Okay, don't even sweat it. Lemme help you.

Where are these ballots located?
In your mailbox.

How late are you allowed to get your ballot in?
"As long as it is postmarked today, it is valid. But if it doesn't get postmarked today, they are not going to be able to be processed, so people shouldn't wait til the last minute," Kim van Ekstrom, chief communications officer of King County Elections, just said by phone.

The office where I work has a postage machine—can I just postmark the envelope with that?
"That's not a postmark," van Ekstrom says. "It has to go through the postal system's postmark. Thats one option for returning it. The other option is to bring it to one of our 25 drop-off locations."

Oh cool, you can just bring your ballot to a place and they will deal with it?
Yeah totally, bring it to one of these 25 locations before 8 pm and you don't have to worry about a postmark.

What do I do if I lost my ballot? Oh God, I'm a fuck up. My ballot's gone. And I can't find a pen. Oh wait, I found a pen. Oh, God, my pen just broke and it's getting ink everywhere. Now I really can't vote. I'm so sad!!
Calm down. You can still totally vote. You can ABSOLUTELY vote. You need to vote. You don't need to have the ballot that was mailed to you. Just wander into one of these three conveniently located voting centers before 8 pm (there's one in Seattle, one in Bellevue, and one in Renton) and you'll find some friendly election workers who would like nothing more than to help you vote. They have a stack clean of ballots there, and all the time in the world to assist you, after all, most people vote from home. There won't be any lines. And you'll get to vote in an old-fashioned voting booth like in the olden days. And you may even get a sticker.

Who should I vote for?
Oh that's easy. Here's our cheat sheet and here's the long version of why you should vote that way (plus jokes! and F-bombs!). If you would like to yell at us about all the F-bombs in that long version, and how we've undermined our credibility by using all those F-bombs, and how the world itself would be so much better without all these gosh darn F-bombs everywhere and if The Stranger stopped using F-bombs in important political writing like election endorsements maybe that would help eradicate all F-bombs, everywhere, well, about a million angry moms have already beaten you to the punch, but go ahead, send us a letter to the editor. F-bombs!

My question has not yet been answered by this stupid Q&A.
Then call (206) 296-VOTE and they will take care of you.

Does it even matter if I vote? Can't I just stay home and "forget to vote" and do bong hits while watching MTV all day?
I'm gonna let David Foster Wallace take this one:

If you are bored and disgusted by politics and don’t bother to vote, you are in effect voting for the entrenched Establishments of the two major parties, who please rest assured are not dumb, and who are keenly aware that it is in their interests to keep you disgusted and bored and cynical and to give you every possible psychological reason to stay at home doing one-hitters and watching MTV on primary day. By all means stay home if you want, but don’t bullshit yourself that you’re not voting. In reality, there is no such thing as not voting: you either vote by voting, or you vote by staying home and tacitly doubling the value of some Diehard’s vote.