Originally published February 5, 2009:

I'm a 27-year-old bi girl, with a lovely fiancée. I'm a top; she's a sub. I'm trying to be responsible, so this weekend I sat down and wrote my will. I hope I won't need it anytime soon, but it makes me feel better to know friends and family will get what I want them to have before the IRS can take the rest. You have to specify each item and its recipient, and that's where I ran into trouble. I want to leave my fiancée's collar to her, rather than Uncle Sam, but wasn't sure how specific I could be without either of us being prosecuted for practicing S&M, which is illegal under current laws in the state where I live. So I can't say, "I'm leaving the S&M collar to my fiancée." We don't have a dog and aren't going to get one, so writing "leather collar" looks strange and makes me nervous. Do you have any advice?

Needs A Good Lawyer

My response after the jump...

Most people into S&M have a touch of the drama queen about them, I realize, but let's not be ridiculous. If you should precede your sub in death, NAGL, I promise you that Uncle Sam is not going to take possession of your widow's dog collar. But to set your mind at ease, I called a very good lawyer and annoyed him with your very stupid question:

"No, no, no, no. A gift from one person to another is not illegal—that's the bottom-line answer," said D. J. Rausa, a lawyer in California I found via the "Kink-Aware Professionals" listings at the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. "The government is not going to be interested in a gift, in any gift, unless they can tax it." Unless that dog collar is solid gold and the word "slave" is spelled out on it with big fat diamonds, NAGL, the IRS doesn't give a shit.

And since you don't file a will with the state, but with your lawyer, the odds of being prosecuted for engaging in S&M—already infinitesimal—are nil. Worry about the fact that you can't legally marry your fiancée, NAGL, and not about Uncle Sam swooping in and stealing your sex toys.