1. The chair with the broken arm.

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2. The chair with the missing arm.

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3. The chair with the missing arm and missing back.

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4. The chair that turns your clothes black because rubber's coming out of the arms.

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5. Brokeback chair.

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6. The chair with the invasive hump.

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7. The chair that calls you fat.

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8. The stainless steel wonder ("mind-bogglingly uncomfortable").

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9. Leaning tower of chair.

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10. The "practical joke chair" that sinks instantly to the floor if you put more than 5 pounds on it.

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11. The chair with wheels that don't roll for inexplicable reasons.

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12. The chair with wheels that don't roll for explicable reasons.

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13. "This one's kind of like a chair," one manager said.

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14. The non-chair option.

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The Stranger has just hired a new staff writer named Danielle Henderson (who's ahhwesome!!!), and she has a desk, but she needs a chair, which explains this chair business. The office is a chair orphanage. Danielle will be writing about news, politics, and social justice full time; you can follow her on Twitter right here; and she will give you a full report on the lost, lonely chair she decides to take custody of. For now, please make her feel welcome.