We all have to dress like this for the rest of the year
  • Andrey Popov/Shutterstock
  • We all have to dress like this for the rest of the year

Beast Mode! 12th Man! I Still Don't Know What These Mean! But I do know how to do math, and it's easy to see that our SUPER BOWL XLVIII-WINNING SEATTLE SEAHAWKS completely trounced the Denver Broncos with a 43—8 win. Partyyyyyyy!

But This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things: Along with couch burnings and tiny riots, it appears that some revelers may have damaged the glass in the Pioneer Square pergola.

I'd Like to Teach the World to Shut Up: Coca-Cola's multicultural Super Bowl ad, featuring the national anthem sung in many different languages, pissed off a lot of conservatives. That sound you hear is the sucking absence of my shock.

This Will End Well: Bill Nye, science guy, is going to debate the CEO of the group that made the Creation Museum. You can watch it live, but if you need this debate to sway you maybe you shouldn't?

It's Not a Slutty Shot After All!: There are apparently people who thought the HPV vaccine turned girls into sexed-up fuck machines, so scientists had to waste a bunch of money proving them wrong.

Because Watching a Man Fall From the Edge of Space Wasn't Traumatic Enough: GoPro released new footage of Felix Baumgartner's space jump from the camera attached to his head. This is also a good time to remember that we defunded NASA so much that this little piece of history was sponsored by Redbull instead of, like, our government.

The DREAM is Alive: Listen to 21-year old Carlos Padillo, co-founder of the Washington DREAM Act Coalition, explain how he would be affected by the REAL Hope Act as the senate gears up to pass the act on Friday.

Accio, New Husband: JK Rowling apparently thinks Hermione Granger should have ended up with Harry Potter instead of Ron Weasley. Actually, Hermione should have ditched them both, traveled the world, and used her witchy powers to be the benevolent super queen of the world, because she was the better sorcerer by far.

Student Held in Moscow School Shooting: Another tragedy.

Portland Woman Loses Hand Changing Car Battery: Apparently the hood slammed on her and she was trapped.

Changing the Guard: Microsoft might get a new CEO.