I love myself more than you chumps.
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  • "I love myself more than I love you chumps."

It's Valentine's Day: The Google doodle is fun—start with first kiss. If you're single, thank your lucky stars. Don't be afraid to get really into your fan fic today. Fuck before you go out to eat. Or just stay home and watch House of Cards season two, which went up at midnight.

Virginia Same-Sex Marriage Ban Overturned: "Through its decision today, the court has upheld the principles of equality upon which this nation was founded."

Amber Alert: Snohomish uthorities are looking for this mother and her newborn son, fearing the worst since she is allegedly a heavy methamphetamine user and the baby, born in a hotel room, hasn't received any medical attention yet.

If You Can't Go Around It: There are lots of drug tunnels in Nogales, Arizona, but authorities just found one longer than 11 1/2 football fields—the biggest one yet.

The Worst Paying Careers in Washington: I can't even make a joke about it—this shit is bleak.

Five Dollars Says He Works In a Shirtless Bit: Seattle native Joel McHale will host the White House Correspondents' Dinner.

Everything is Terrible: Twenty-six year old Salvador Sanchez-Orozco has been charged with the murder of his 2-year old daughter.

Mute Mute Mute: There are over 10,000 racist slurs posted to Twitter daily, and the culprits from this article look pretty much how you think they'll look.

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things: Olympia bans drinking in an attempt to crack down on littering and people peeing on things.

Tonight, We Ride! Maybe!: City council is trying to figure out how to regulate illegal rideshare programs like Lyft and UberX, and are considering a new plan to regulate the services.

Ride It, My Pony: Evgeni Plushenko has dropped out of the men's figure skating at the Olympics and retired. Godspeed, good knight, and let's hope this remix of your "Sex Bomb" routine gets you into some kind of Hall of Fame.