At long last, this Sunday brings the 2014 Academy Awards, the annual parade of very famous and beautiful people giving each other awards, which will be broadcast live on Seattle's KOMO 4.
Here are all your nominees, and here are the facts of the KOMO broadcast:
2 pm-4pm: "On the Red Carpet at The Oscars!"
4 pm-5:30 pm: "Oscars Red Carpet Live!" (Yes, there are three and a half hours of red-carpet-based pre-show.)
5:30 pm—??: THE ACTUAL OSCARS.
I've weathered so many Oscar ceremonies that I am now constitutionally incapable of caring about who actually wins any particular award. (Though I'm rooting for Leonardo DiCaprio and Lupita Nyong'o, and rooting against Meryl Streep and Julia Roberts.) Still, I will never miss an Oscar ceremony. Aside from performing actual charitable deeds, submitting themselves to a live television broadcast requiring formalwear is the most generous thing celebrities can do, and here's hoping at least ten of them are magnanimous enough to trip and fall, babble drunkenly into a microphone, and/or wear something that makes you want to call the police.
Join me right here on Sunday starting at 5:30 pm for the Oscar Live Slog.