Welcome to Episode 6! We pick it up as the queens enter the work studio after last Episode’s ruthless and wise Runway elimination. (See ya, Gia!) The girls are exhausted, deeply relieved, and a bit tipsy overall after their visit to the Interior Illusions Lounge (buncha damn drunks), and LaGanja is whining as usual. (Boohooooo!)
Right out of the gate, our once beloved Darienne (clearly a Gemini) shocks everyone by suddenly transforming from a bubbly cutesy-pie to totally eeevil queen by declaring open season on our girl Ben. Ben clearly had assumed that the two of them had bonded on a deep, emotional level during past challenges, but OH HELLS NAW! “I have GOT to send her home,” the new, eeevil Darienne confides, making me hate her forever, that feckless little shunt. “I was surprised”, Ben confided during the live viewing party at the Century Ballroom. “I was blindsided.” Weren’t we all! Indeed, Episode 6 is all about the new-found bad blood between Ben and Darienne, who shall for the remainder of this RuCap be known as Snarky Poo-Poo What’s-Her-Tits, because I AM SO MAD AT HER.
We move quickly to this week's mini challenge, which is probably my favorite of them all: The “Reading” Challenge! The library is open™! Reading is fundamental™! And so forth. This is when the queens say nasty things about each other's fat asses and busted faces and junk. This was Bianca in her element, of course, which is evident in what she says to Ben: “After seeing you in drag, I now understand why Seattle has high suicide rate.” Zing! To Joslyn, “She’s go gay even her asshole has a lisp!” ZING! She told Adore, “I know what you got on your SATs…KETCHUP!” Bwahahaha! #bless.
She was obviously the winner in my book, but sadly the game was taken by Snarky Poo-Poo What’s-Her-Tits (chicanery! Fraud! Shenanigans!) who got to choose her team for the next challenge first: Laganja, Bianca, Adore, and Courtney, and, conspicuously, not Ben. Ben’s feelings were clearly smarting, and she respectfully asked old Snarky point blank why she didn’t pick her for the Rap challenge. “Frankly, that’s none of your business,” that evil cow shot back, making poor Ben cry inside. #hateher
This week’s major challenge was an old fashioned 90’s rap-battle, RPDR-style! Everyone kind of missed their cues and sucked in general, especially old Snarky Poo-Poo What’s-Her-Tits, who fumbled and fussed and looked a pure fool (GOOD), Trinity who was unintelligible, as usual (#mushmouth), Bianca looked like a cracked-out hip hopping Punky Brewster and totally pulled that shit off, Milk had some sort of apoplectic seizure and seemed to be struggling to dance AND control her bowels, and I still don’t believe Courtney has a penis. It’s not important who won the challenge, you just need to know it wasn’t Ben this week. (Chicanery, I tell you!)
Milk and Trinity wound up on the short end of the stick, and all I can say is that Trinity lip-synchs much better than she speaks. In the end poor, weird Milk went sour, curdled, went cream up—pick your favorite—and she and her signature quirks sashayed away in a flurry of tears and shock. She clearly wasn’t expecting this shit.
Final observations: Adore is no longer intolerable, I've finally realized Joslyn exists (cutie!) and my earlier predictions hold: Ben and Bianca in the Top 3, and Trinity is going home next. I can feel it in my bone! But don’t quote me on that. (Go Ben Go! Go Ben Go! #teamdelacreme!)
