I leave it up to you to make sense of this police report, which, I think, involves a man getting very drunk, a man hitting on a married woman in a bar, a man getting tackled, a man getting hit with a bottle, and a karaoke DJ hearing that bottle break on something hard. My feeling is that any clearing of this confusion will only reveal the utter emptiness of the universe. But the end of the report does have something that's actually interesting:

While talking to [the victim], I [reporting officer Brandon Dorr] learned he is diabetic. I asked if he needed to check his blood sugar and if it could be adding to his memory issues for the night. He said it was. I called fire via radio to our location. Upon their arrival I learned they are not able to check a person's blood sugar per their policy. They asked questions and checked his eyes. They said they were satisfied that he was lucid, and left the scene.

Why can't the Seattle Fire Department check a person's blood sugar level? I called them to find out, and this is the answer I received from Susan Stangl, a lieutenant with the SFD:

  • Charles Mudede
This is how the line is drawn. We [the SFD] do not puncture the skin. We can check if you are fine or need more attention, but if you are in a situation that needs your skin punctured, we have to call the paramedics. It's just a certification issue. We are not certified to puncture skin and the paramedics are. That's why they puncture skin all the time.

Human skin is the final border between you and the SFD.