Louisiana's WGNO "News with a View" opinion broadcaster Mike Church doesn't care for Catholics or other Christians who think anti-gay discrimination is un-Christian and unkind. He is particularly annoyed by this. And he wants everyone out there to understand that it's not Christians who are to blame for anti-gay bigotry and discrimination. It's the gays:

[The] Church says the gay person is to conduct their lives, sexually speaking, in the same way unmarried heterosexuals do: abstain from sex and sex-inspired acts of any kind and practice the rest of the doctrine faithfully. The big difference is the Church will never confer the sacrament of marriage on the homosexual so his celibacy is for life. There’s no calls to blast anyone with water-cannons or beat them with stones. If homosexuals practice humility as we all are commanded to, their sex preference is probably never made known in the first place. The worst that could be said of him them is he’s “anti-social” and we don’t need any fancy diners or legislative Acts to protect that.

The self-restraint demonstrated by unmarried heterosexuals—scrupulously refraining from sex and sex-inspired acts until marriage—is truly remarkable. Does anyone even remember the last time a straight couple had premarital sex, an unmarried woman got pregnant, or a Catholic man masturbated? Louisiana does have one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the nation, it's true, but the blame for that goes to all those young lesbians in Louisiana who refuse to join their heterosexual peers in abstaining from sex and sex-inspired acts until after the marriages they won't ever be allowed to enter into.

Still, you can't argue with Mike's message to gay people: Anti-gay bigots wouldn't be able to discriminate against you if they didn't know you were gay—and if you would just be celibate and "practice humility," i.e. keep your mouth shut about the gaymo thing and remain closeted all your life, the bigots would never know you were gay. And so long as your "sex preference" is unknown and unknowable, no one can fire you for being gay or refuse to bake you a wedding cake that you'll never need anyway. People might say you're anti-social as you live out your long, lonely and loveless life, but Christians typically don't discriminate against anti-social types. They pity them.

And who wouldn't give up dating, romance, sex, kinks, love, marriage, family, and intimacy in exchange for Mike Church's pity?