Brace yourself! We are going to be discussing myriad so-called "Nark" events for the foreseeable future—so much so that it will undoubtedly come as a shock that I'm not on Nark's fucking payroll. Calm your tits! OF COURSE we are talking about so-called "Nark" events this month! That boy's all over Pride like a chicken on a wounded worm. Specifically Dickslap, in this case, if you were wondering, for what in the world but Dickslap is more wondrously depraved, more soul-satisfyingly bacchanalian?! What could possibly be a more fitting harbinger of PRIDE!? Caligula's birthday, perhaps? The sacred brothels of Mesopotamia? Manhattan in the '70s? I ask you. Okay, maybe that's laying it on a bit thick (MAYBE!), but I think we all understand that just about every month Dickslap is the naughty, dance-your-face's-ass-off Seattle party to beat. And it's happening tonight. And I just wanted you to know. Because I love you, you filthy cur. I love you. With DJ Jay Douglas from Vancouver and hosted by Zak the Barber. Eagle, 9 pm, 21+.

Let me be perfectly frank: Lou Henry Hoover (née Ricki Mason) is a treasure beyond measure, a genius, a jewel, a muse. Anyone who is familiar with anything good in Seattle clutches the name "Lou Henry Hoover" to their heart with hoops of gender-bendy steel. Freedom Fantasia? Homo for the Holidays? Oh, yes. That's Lou, in mad conjunction with his glorious wife, Kitten LaRue (google "Kitten and Lou wedding" right now, seriously, NOW!), and of course our most beloved queen, BenDeLaCreme. (They combine to make "DeLouRue Presents." Geddit?!) Lou is indeed a performer, producer, and dancer nonpareil and tonight he is giving us "an exploration and satire told through hilarious dance comedy magic." With Lou, Kitten, Cassidy Katims, Bronwyn Lewis, Elby Brosch, Scott Shoemaker, and more! Re-bar, 8 pm, $20 adv/$25 DOS, 21+, June 20–21.