Joe Fitzgibbon! Oh my gosh! We fell so hard for you four years ago. You were a "dreamy," "dashing," "swoon"-worthy (subtlety was never our strong suit) 23-year-old lefty Democrat, fresh on the scene, ready to melt the coldest hearts and shake shit up in Olympia.

Instead, Olympia killed your bitchin' vibe. You came back to the SECB this year defensive and deflated. You voted for Boeing's $9 billion tax break (and you admitted it felt "shitty," but you did it anyway). You also, um, FIBBED LIKE A LYING LIAR-PANTS-ON-FIRE PANTS. "So you lied?" we asked you, about reports that you told Mike McGinn you wouldn't endorse in last year's race for Seattle mayor, and then went and endorsed rival Ed Murray anyway behind his back. "Yeah, I guess," you shrugged. We know Olympia is a suckhole, but that was weird, and it makes us question whether your still-handsome face is a pretty mask to obscure some shitty double-dealing behavior. (Which, hey, we also might find attractive. Depending.) CONTINUE READING ---->