Primary School: Washington had a primary! We went to all the places and saw all the things. Here's our report, and here's what it all means.

Pete Holmes Hopes You Don't Pay Your Pot Tickets: You gotta love Pete Holmes, am I right?

Protesting Mars Hill: Brendan Kiley reports from the "We are not anonymous" protests last Sunday.

Protesting Mark Driscoll: Mark Driscoll founded Acts 29, an organization made up of dozens of evangelical churches. Yesterday, they kicked Driscoll and Mars Hill out of Acts 29, told him to step down as pastor of Mars Hill, and urged him to "seek help." Mars Hill said they're standing by Driscoll.

Got Any Plans for Today? Dan Savage wants you to improve the lives of sex workers in Seattle.

Close But No Cigar: Mayor Murray had a pretty good announcement about internet in Seattle, but it wasn't as good as it could've been.

Eating Away at Us: Charles Mudede has some thoughts about Ebola and racism and capitalism.

Dave Meinert's Facebook Page Is a Legal Document Now? The anti-$15 franchise organization has filed a hilarious legal document citing Facebook, Twitter, and, perhaps most ludicrously, a Seattle Times editorial.

Headline of the Week: "The Seattle Times Thinks You're a Bunch of Urine-Burned Elephants, Seattle Taxpayers."

Bad News for Rand Paul Is Good News for Me: Rand Paul vacillated and ran away and generally made an ass of himself this week.

Jesus Would Totally Do That, Right? An atheist author was going to appear in Seattle, but someone sent death threats to him and so he cancelled his appearance.

Seattle Can't Find Ass with Both Hands and a Map: Jesus Christ, would these special markings teach you people to use an escalator properly, Seattle?

The Joy of X: It's been over for years, but you still have opinions about The X-Files.

Good News for Good People: Seattle Repertory Theatre hired Marya Sea Kaminsky, which is a good move.

This Week in Scarecrow Video Rumors: Could this be true?

Kind of Blue: It ain't porn, so what are they doing in there?