Dear concerned citizen: Not every drunk found lying on the sidewalk needs medical attention. When you call 911 because you are so concerned, it costs thousands of dollars that could be spent on people who actually care about their health and well-being. That drunk is just passed out, and whether they wake up on the sidewalk or in a hospital is only a matter of how much it costs other people—because that drunk will never pay the hospital bill. So let sleeping dogs lie. If there is no blood, and no sign of foul play, and they smell like a brewery, let them sleep it off on the sidewalk. If you are really concerned, leave a can of Rainier to ward off the shakes when they come to.

—Anonymous

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