Charles Manson is getting married—and it's a traditional marriage: one-mass-murderer/one-woman, just like God intended.

Manson is 80 years old, his bride-to-be is 26. The couple will not be able to consummate their marriage, according to the AP, because lifers don't get to have conjugal visits in California. Social conservatives must be fuming. Marriage is about procreation, they say, it's about uniting a child's biological mother and father. Allowing Manson to marry but not allowing him to father any children—why, the California prison system is making a mockery of marriage. The National Organization for Marriage will surely protest.