Sent this week to I, Anonymous:

I was really proud when Washington legalized gay marriage. It was really touching to see couples who had spent years as second-class citizens fighting for their rights. People marched, waged legal battles, came out, refused to be ignored, went to jail and generally fought with dignity and pride for their rights. And now you want to get married to your best friend despite the fact that you are not lesbian or bi. You say that she is your asexual polyfluid life partner or something but everyone realizes that you're only doing this because you're mad about all the attention your brother's wedding is getting. You're telling people that if one of you wants to get with a guy then he has to realize that you two are "a package deal." You're demanding people prove they are really your friends by donating to your Kickstarter so you can drive your ass to Burning Man and get married amongst other acid casualties too stoned to realize you are full of shit. For God's sake, you're OPENLY telling people you are using the this marriage to celebrate your friendship. Not because you are in love with someone who just happens to be a woman. You are literally what right-wingers warned us about: Once we change the rules, all kinds of people will be getting married willy nilly! You selfish little child, you proved Rick Santorum right!

With regards,
Your only honest acquaintance