These are the meth pipes they are handing out in the U District.
These are the meth pipes they are handing out in the U-District. Kelly O

Brendan Kiley Broke the News Yesterday: The People's Harm Reduction Alliance is broadening their services to more users. They used to be just a needle exchange. When they started handing out crack pipes, their base went from being "very, very white" to being much more diverse. Now they're addressing methamphetamine users.

Government Programs Can't Do Things Like Hand Out Crack and Meth Pipes: "You can imagine what Fox News would do if it got wind of a government-funded agency handing out crack pipes."

Starbucks Wants to Start a Conversation About Race: Here's how it's going so far.

Jinkx Monsoon, ready for her close-up.
Jinkx Monsoon is ready for her Cinerama close-up. Kelly O

Jinkx Monsoon Will Have Her Big-Screen Premiere at Cinerama on April 29: Yes, that's right, the one and only is starring in a documentary directed by Alex Berry called Drag Becomes Him. Seattle Gay Scene* knew this before I did, damn it! My advice is get your ticket right now. If anyone needs me, my camping gear and I will be outside Cinerama for the next month.

Speaking of Hometown Heroes Taking Over the World, Did You Hear About Lindy West? She got a book deal!! She's writing a memoir. It will be called Shrill.

On second thought...
The Twin Peaks reboot might not be happening. CristinaMuraca / Shutterstock.com

David Lynch Reportedly Said There Are "Complications" with the Twin Peaks Showtime Contract: He's "not sure" if the new series will happen.

This is Hornet, right before she was killed.
This is a falcon named Hornet. He was killed shortly after this photo was taken. Courtesy photo/Coeur d'Alene Press

"Woman Charged with Killing Falcon with Beaded Scarf to Save Duck": That was the tweet that sent me down the rabbit hole of this story from Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, expertly reported by Coeur d'Alene Press. Allegedly, in January, a woman driving by in a red Jeep Wrangler saw Hornet, that pretty falcon there, hunting a duck, which is Hornet's job. It must've been a sight. Falcons are the fastest creatures in the world. The woman took the duck's side, and decided to protect the duck from Hornet, and allegedly beat Hornet up using a "beaded scarf" (!?), breaking Hornet's leg and fatally fracturing his skull.

You Know What the Woman Allegedly Said When the Falconer Walked Up to Her? "I just beat the shit out of your falcon."

Here's What Hornet Looked Like Eight Weeks Later: Dead and frozen. The falconer says, "My bird didn't really have a voice."

So What Happens Next for Someone Who Allegedly Kills a Falcon with a Beaded Scarf? She gets a lawyer to prepare for her March 24 arraignment hearing. She's looking at a "maximum of six months in jail and $5,000 in fines" if convicted of the misdemeanor charge of beating or harassing an animal. But it's possible she could also face federal charges for "the unlawful take of a protected species," the falconer says. He also wants to usher in a better appreciation of falconry.

The Falcon Cannot Hear the Falconer: Sorry, couldn't resist.

Smith Tower is keeping an eye on Pioneer Square, in case it starts sinking.
Smith Tower is keeping an eye on Pioneer Square, in case it starts sinking. Smith Tower/Shutterstock

Okay, Should We Come Back to Seattle Now? In case you missed it, they've attached a giant orb to Smith Tower that "will take measurements that could be used to determine if objects in the area are moving." Objects meaning buildings and streets. The "cracking and settling" in the neighborhood is "worse than ever," says a manager at J&M Cafe. "All of us come down the street every morning and just hope all these buildings are still here."

As for Important News Around the World? We Still Haven't Done Shit About Syria: I realize it's not exactly breaking or local, but four million people have fled Syria, 6 percent of the total population of the country is wounded or dead, and "mass destruction and displacement have extinguished more than four-fifths of the country’s lights."

It's St. Patrick's Day—Where Are You Going to Go Drinking? Here are some ideas.

"Adults Get Lazier as They Get Older, I Don't Know Why": That's what one 11-year-old says about the Port of Seattle.

What Does Governor Inslee Say About the Deal Allowing Shell Oil to Use the Port of Seattle as a Parking Lot? "Not my mess, I don't care," basically. His exact words: "It's largely a port issue as opposed to a statewide one." What an irritating answer. If you'd like to ask the governor why he's not doing more, he's hosting a Reddit AMA on Thursday at 1 p.m.

Cirque du Soleil closes at Marymoor Park this weekend.
You have five more days to see Cirque du Soleil at Marymoor Park. Photo: Martin Girard / shootstudio.ca Costumes: Philippe Guillotel © 2014 Cirque du Soleil

Cirque du Soleil's Kurios Show Is So Good: I got to see it the other night, and, like any good circus, it made me question all of my life's choices. Not pictured: the man who balances on glass slabs on the sides of cylinders, the shirtless Superman aerialist (no net!), the elderly little person who pops out of someone else's dress, and the trampoline scene. Whoa, the trampoline scene. There's a lot of form-fitting costumery, and Kurios is fun for the whole range of gender preferences. Just do it.

* CORRECTION: Originally, the text of this post stated that Seattle Gay News broke the Jinkx Monsoon news, not Seattle Gay Scene. According to Facebook rumor, this infuriated Seattle Gay Scene, which is a different entity than Seattle Gay News altogether. The word "Scene" now appears where the word "News" used to. The link was correct all along. Thank you for your attention this important matter. As you were.