My fiancé claims that after almost six years of being together, he still does not know what he is doing in bed. Our sex life is super vanilla, but the quality of the orgasm is stellar. He knows to get me off he needs to finger my clit while tonguing my nipples. And he is great at it! Great to the point I am sure the neighbors know his name. And he just loves it when I am on top, where he can see my boobs bounce around.

One problem with our sex life is that I have a high sex drive, as in I could go three times a day every day, while my fiancé could go weeks without sex—with me. He would be fine as long as he could masturbate. I sometimes masturbate, but I do not prefer to do so because the orgasms are better with my fiancé. Plus it takes a lot more to get me there when I am alone with myself, my toys, and my porn. My fiancé, on the other hand, will happily masturbate in front of his computer in the next room while I am in our bed waiting for him.

I know he is partially being selfish about this because he's squeamish and likes the easier "clean up." (Masturbating into an old pair of boxers isn't as messy as actual sex.) But I also feel the real reason he prefers masturbation over sex with me is because he can engage in his breast enlargement fetish. He likes to see videos of women with their breasts expanding to the point where the woman is basically immobilized. I cannot fake that to fix our sex life, Dan, and he is not interested in watching his porn with me.

So what can I do to engage his fetish more in bed? Isn't there something?

Already Has Three Cats

My response after the jump...

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There is something you can do to engage your fiancé's fetish—you can order yourself one of these. Latex catsuits aren't to everyone's taste, of course, but they do allow people with breast enlargement fetishes to explore their kinks with a partner. And if your guy happens to have a thing for both ballooning breasts and actual balloons... Yahtzee.

Ballooning breasts—that problem is easily solved. The more difficult-to-solve problem is your fiancé's selfishness and his disregard for the feelings and sexual self-esteem of the woman he claims to love. I'm happy to defend boys who watch a little porn—I'm happy to defend girls who do the same—but my defense of porn consumption is premised upon the consumer being both moderate and considerate. There are times when you just want to crank one out (while watching a little porn), there are times when masturbation (while watching a little porn) meets a need that partnered sex cannot, there are times when a person wants the release of orgasm (while watching a little porn) without having to engage with another human being who has their own wants, needs, and demands. But it's not okay to choose porn—and dirty boxer shorts (ugh)—over a waiting and willing partner again and again and again.

So, again, the problem isn't that your fiancé watches porn. Everyone's fiancé does. The problem is your fiancé's's lack of consideration the feelings and needs of his fiancée.

Don't marry this guy if you can't get him to see—maybe with the help of a kink-positive couples counselor—that what he's doing is hurtful and unnecessary. (His fiancée is ready, wiling, and able to indulge him.) You're clearly willing to meet his needs, AHTC, but he doesn't seem the least bit concerned about yours. If he can't pull his head out of his ass, his eyes off those videos, and his dick out of those dirty boxer shorts and show his love for you... don't marry him.