I'm a 29-year-old straight-ish woman in Illinois married for just over five years to a wonderful man who is 28. About a year ago, we were watching RuPaul's Drag Race clips and, for fun, I asked my husband if I could dress him up in drag. It took some convincing but he agreed—so long as there were no photos. He looked fierce! He was surprised and we had a few good laughs. About a week later we were Ru and we were talking about their severity—those severe queens and their severe looks—and why they rarely wear "everyday" makeup. I explained that they're not trying to look like women. For comparison I convinced him to let me make him over as a regular woman, hair and all. I think this was where things changed. He looked really good. In fact, he kept his face on for nearly four hours, constantly going back to the mirror. Since then, he has started feminizing himself, little by little. He's learned to put on makeup by himself and do his hair. We've even been out together, as two girls, to dance. My problem is, sexually, he's become completely passive. When we do have intercourse, I have to be on top. But usually it's just him going down on me—very well, mind you—and we bypass his orgasm entirely. Have I created a trans girl? I know that isn't possible, but does it seem like I may have released something he didn't know was there?

Missus Is Seeking Solace

Talk to your husband about what's up—calmly, MISS, without shaming him. Ask him what he's thinking and what he's feeling without demanding a final answer. Then tell him how you're feeling: You miss your husband, you miss PIV sex, you miss his orgasms.

The word "phase" has so much terrible/awful/no good baggage attached to it that we should probably sidestep it. So let's just say that it's possible all the gender stuff—the makeup, the hair, the feminization—is just a shiny new thing that he's excited about exploring and in his excitement he's lost sight of your needs. That this gender stuff seems to have come wrapped up in submissiveness and the deemphasizing of his orgasms could mean it's just a kink for him. It's not about who he is (it's not about his gender identity, i.e. he's not a woman), it's about things he wants to do (it's about newly discovered kinks, i.e. submissiveness, "forced" feminization, orgasm denial). But it's also possible this could be a combo platter that encompasses gender identity and sexual interests.

Things might even out when the sight of himself in makeup isn't so exciting and new—the playing with gender and his submissiveness could become a part of your routine without completely dominating it—or who knows? He may have gender issues that were always there and he always kindasorta knew but he had never faced them. Or maybe he have always had gender issues that he wasn't consciously aware of and you and Ru accidentally made him aware of them. He may be on a journey of self-discovery that shakes his life up in a profound way—his life and yours. Only time will tell.

And in the meantime, MISS, enjoy the cunnilingus.