It's no secret The Stranger's office has mice, but our mice are tiny and adorable and one of them is named Megan Seling. I saw a relative of Megan Seling scurry into a hole in the wall next to Heidi Groover's desk the other day. Heidi was not around. But even just my saying something made a 24-year-old man who shall not be named run away in terror. (24-year-olds, right?) We've increased our vigilance, we now have trash cans with lids on them, and the carb table is not what it used to be, so all the little Megan Selingses are probably just freaking out, looking for food anywhere.

At least we don't have RATS—big, smart, terrifyingly tailed cat-sized vermin. The Washington Post is reporting this morning that the State Department has "large rats." The State Department also has a salad bar. "I saw a large rat scurry across the cafeteria floor by the salad bar," an employee reportedly wrote a month ago on an internal message board. Someone else wrote, "On three separate instances, beginning with the first catastrophic power loss. . . a few months ago, I have seen large rats running around in the cafeteria." Large rats running around in the dark in the State Department. Isn't that a scene in Spy?

For what it's worth, the State Department's cafeteria plans to "increase... vigilance," points out that nearby construction "stirs up the populations" (maybe we could use this excuse here?) and says "there have been no sightings of late."

Oh look it's lunchtime. Who's hungry?