Straight-out-of-college female here. I've begun my foray into the real world with my first job at a large firm and, as an added bonus, a hunky, kind man. My relationship is new—we got together in January of this year. I have some work to do on myself: post-abusive relationship and recently uncovered mommy issues have landed me in therapy. I am a work in progress, and he is both aware and supportive. Really feels like this is a potential LTR.

The one thing (I call it a thing and not an issue or a problem) is that he is "hung up" on his ex. They dated for two years and had a hard time distancing themselves from each other. From my understanding, he really only cut off communication with her after he met me. They met up recently as she is moving out of state and she contacted him in an attempt to gain closure. He says that their relationship is done but that he has unresolved feelings. When I asked him to explain, he said that he was still attempting to dissect their breakup and that their meeting was supposed to provide clarity. The only thing that is clear is that he didn't get what he needed.

The thing is that I know I'm being insane. He repeatedly tells me he loves me. He is kind, affectionate, always engaging, the sex is great—hell, he cooked me a 10 lb pork butt that was divine. These are not the actions of a man who is in love with someone else. Despite all these things, I feel like the lackluster movie sequel that producers confidently made but received, at best, a lukewarm response from the public. Entertaining, I guess, but not nearly as good as the first one. What do you do when your great love has already had his great love?

Can you sense how dramatic I'm being? I don't know how to turn my brain off to my insecurities. My friends feed my sentiments: They tell me I shouldn't be with someone who isn't over his ex. Can you help me better articulate what the hell he's going through? And then could you tell me to leave him alone so that he can work through it since since it clearly has nothing to do with me? I'm about to run my relationship into the ground and I don't know how to stop.

Needs To Be Yelled At

I'm not going to yell at you.

I'm also not gonna crawl into your boyfriend's head and attempt to articulate his feelings about his ex, NTBYA, and I'm not gonna tell you to leave him so he can work through this shit. I'm going to tell you to keep dating this guy—say yes to the great sex and the divine pork butts—and then I'm going ask you a simple question:

What's the worst thing that could possibly happen, NTBYA?

He could dump you. That's the worst thing that could happen, right? Getting dumped is what you're worried about. You could date this guy, really fall for him, and wind up alone. He could very well dump you because he's still hung up on his ex—or it could be something else. He might dump you because your personalities don't mesh or he might dump you because you want kids and he doesn't or vice-versa. He could get completely over his ex and still wind up dumping you. He could have no exes at all—you could be his first girlfriend ever—and he could still wind up dumping you.

So let's say he dumps you. What do you have left? Besides a broken heart, which people acquire and get over every day (not the same people on the same day), what do you have? Let's make a short list...

1. Your youth.

2. Your friends.

3. Your career.

You're going to be fine, NTBYA. Even if the worst thing happens—even if he dumps you—you'll be okay. And you know what? He might not dump you. You might dump him. Or you might not ever dump each other and you'll be eating his divine butt for the rest of your life.

It's like this, NTBYA: There's no dating, there's no falling in love, there's no nothin' without risk. Everyone out there who's in a relationship or a marriage or a slave collar has run the risk of being dumped and still runs the risk of being dumped. You're not special in that regard, NTBYA, there's nothing out of the ordinary about the stakes here or the risk you're running. If you can't bear the risk of being dumped—because of an ex or some other issue—you'll have to be celibate.

Here's a better option then celibacy: Calm the fuck down. Enjoy this guy, enjoy his butt, and tell yourself that you'll be fine—if this relationship works out, if it doesn't work out.

Either way, NTBYA, you'll be fine.