Can't we just keep the clown car to one party? Are we seriously supposed to consider Joe Biden for president? As an American, I'm opposed to this idea. I think we're just fine with Hillary vs. Bernie (they rhyme) plus 17 Republican candidates. Seventeen! One and then a seven after the one! Among serious contenders, the Republican race is "the most crowded in modern presidential history." (Don't take that "serious" seriously.) We have enough gaffes to track on that side without having to worry about Joe Biden getting handsy with a farmer's wife in Iowa.

As depicted in the New York Times over the weekend, Biden running for 2016 was his son's dying wish:

“Dad, I know you don’t give a damn about money,” Beau told him, dismissing the idea that his father would take some sort of cushy job after the vice presidency to cash in.

Beau was losing his nouns and the right side of his face was partially paralyzed. But he had a mission: He tried to make his father promise to run, arguing that the White House should not revert to the Clintons and that the country would be better off with Biden values.

Now, I'm not going to argue with a son's dying wish, and Biden should do whatever he wants—he has gotten this far without any advice from me—but this "son's dying wishes" narrative puts us all in a weird bind. Am I a bad person if I don't vote for Beau's dad to fulfill Beau's wish?

Yes, some polls say that people trust Biden more than Hillary and think he has more empathy than Hillary, because duh. That said! C'mon. No. We don't need this. The president has to lie (Osama Bin Laden's body is where again?) and having empathy is not the number one criterion (Jimmy Carter, anyone?). Meanwhile, Bernie has already clearly yanked Hillary to left economically, (corporate profit-sharing, anyone?) and it's high time a non-penis-haver got the Democratic Party's nomination.

In any case, I don't think there's much to worry about. It's going to happen. (Right?) As John Cassidy points out, "Taking on the Clintons and the Republicans is a task that would give anyone pause, let alone a seventy-two-year-old who has just lost his son."

But Howard Schultz? Now that's interesting. I wonder what he thinks of corporate profit-sharing.