I'm a divorced 45-year-old straight male living in the Bay Area of CA. I have joint custody of my daughter, and I get along well, for the most part, with my ex-wife. I met my GF, who I will call "J," 11 months ago. She lives in rural CA about 140 miles away. She is a 38-year-old single parent as well and she is a stay-at-home mom who lives in a posh house with her parents. She's been trying to create a start-up business from home with her art, but so far has made little progress since we've met. Her ex is a bit of a deadbeat, so I've been helping her finance her business and expenses like her car and clothes for J and her daughter.

From the get-go, things have always been hot for us. It was love at first sight! The sex is INTENSE. We even share the same kinks. We rarely argue, and when we do have differences, we always manage to talk them out without any hurt feelings. I also get along with her parents just fine. They're in their early 60s and healthy.

From the beginning J always told me she wanted to leave the town where she lives because it's very rural and there's nothing there for her in regards to a future. When I presented her the idea of moving into my house in the Bay Area, she was warm to it. She didn't like the house I lived in because my previous GF from two years prior lived with me, and J felt there were too many bad memories in the house. We talked about moving elsewhere.

About two months ago, to expedite the search for a good house, we agreed that I would give up my current home and I'd airBnB it for a couple of months to save up cash so we could find a great place. Well, it's a couple of months later, and I'm sitting on a pile of cash, and suddenly I was hit with a brick this week. She was on vacation with her mom and daughter last week. On Tuesday she cashed $300 from a blank check I gave her—she says for expenses and back-to-school clothes for her daughter—which was fine. Normally, when I'm working, I'll text her in the morning say the standard "I love you" and count the days before I see her again. And normally I'd get a response. Last week, nothing. I figured bad reception. I received a cold message two days later saying hi and not much more. I can confirm that she did go with her mom and daughter, so I know there was no cheating going on.

When they got back to her parents' house on Saturday, she texted me she had a headache and she was going to bed. I asked if I could drive up Sunday, and she said she's busy and needs time to work on cleaning the house. I said I'd just stop by because I knew J and her mom were going to SoCal to see grandma for another two weeks. Sunday comes, I drive to the house, I get a text from J that says she can't see me at the house and that we should meet in town. In my head I was like OH SHIT. Then 10 minutes later she tells me to come to the house. I get to the house and I can see my belongings, just some extra clothes I leave there, in a garbage bag by the door. She comes to the front door and says it's over because she can't leave the town she grew up in! It's too stressful for her to leave! She says it's just too much for her to work and be a mom. But I've ALWAYS helped her physically, emotionally, and financially! I tell her I can't lose her and I'd agree to her staying where she lives while I lived in an apartment in SF and we can see each other every weekend. She says that's not fair to me (!) and that it's over and told me to leave.

I've tried to call and text, nothing. I get an e-mail saying the same thing she said to my face, that this is over and that she's sorry but that we've stopped connecting that that she was failing me. I'm destroyed. I haven't told my daughter yet, and I know that it's going to hurt her greatly. I'm at a loss. Do I just walk away from the most beautiful girl I've ever dated? Do I give her space? I gave up my house and now I'm left with a mess. Please HELP me!!!!!

Completely And Totally Destroyed

Boy... it's shitty BF/GF week around here.

Okay, CATD, until my time machine comes online, there's not much I can do to help you. Without it, I can't stop you from selling your house to please a woman you've known for less than a year and I can't stop you from lavishing money and gifts on a 38-year-old who still lives at home with her parents... but who somehow managed to convince you that it's her ex who's the "deadbeat." And without a time machine, I can't prevent you from encouraging your daughter to form an emotional bond with a woman you've been dating for less than a year.

The only thing I can do for you, CATD, is this: I can encourage you to stop pining for this person—a woman who cashed a $300 check she made out to herself after making up her mind to dump you—and to resolve never to make this mistake this series of mistakes, or similar mistakes, ever again. And I can forbid you from introducing your daughter to girlfriends you've only just met and order you not to provide financial support for the online businesses of your new girlfriends.

And I can order you to go look in a mirror and repeat this until it sinks the fuck in: "I got conned by a charismatic user. The sex was great—the sex was amazing—but the rest of it was a lie. She didn't love me and, as it turns out, I didn't really love her. Because I didn't really know her. Until now."

You are going to walk away from the most beautiful girl you've ever dated, CATD, all the while thanking your lucky fucking stars that you didn't wind up married to this person. That would've made for a much worse mess.

And go get yourself an apartment.