This week I overheard someone say that they’re genuinely worried about the Seahawks because of their 0-2 record through their first two preseason games. “Genuinely worried” were the words I heard, in reference to preseason football results. It was an existentially horrifying moment.
This is completely unacceptable behavior for so many reasons, the first few of which could be grouped under "person genuinely worried about preseason football for reasons unrelated to the possibility of someone suffering a life-altering injury playing a football game with zero meaningful ramifications.”
It’s also unacceptable because it scared me into thinking there maybe are more people out there genuinely worried about preseason football.
So, if you will, allow me to construct the strawman of “people genuinely worried about the Seahawks' preseason performance” by looking at why a person could be worried about preseason football, and then to light it on fire so that strawman is nothing but stupid, stupid ash.
“The running game isn’t going, and also I’m exclusively invested in gold.”
Yeah, but the team has yet to use Marshawn Lynch or a zone-read play. They also had used what will likely be their week-one offensive line alignment for all of four practices before their loss to the Chiefs, and it looked good against a very good Kansas City defensive front. There’s been a good amount of classic Pete Carroll competition on the line, and the results have been pretty good given that it’s the teams weakest unit.
Garry Gilliam has all the physical tools to be an above-average right tackle, and Justin Britt’s limitations in pass protection are largely mitigated by putting him at guard. Sure, Drew Nowak is unlikely to be as good as Max Unger when healthy at center, but he also doesn’t have Max Unger’s history of being unhealthy for long stretches. Frankly, Pro-Bowler Russell Okung was the weakest-performing member of the line in last week’s game, which is an okay problem to have.
Also, BEASTMODE HASN’T PLAYED. Stop worrying about the run game until Marshawn is playing, please.
“But they just gave up a passing touchdown to a Chiefs wide receiver, which literally did not happen last year, and this Trump fellow has good ideas.”
Yeah, but it was to newly acquired Jeremy Maclin, who is so much better than everyone the Chiefs had last year, on a well-disguised route that got him covered by linebacker Bruce Irvin while the Seahawks' three best defensive backs—Kam Chancellor, Earl Thomas, and Richard Sherman—were all out for reasons that hopefully will be null as soon as week one rolls around (though it may take a little longer for Chancellor, whose agent is second to you on the list of stupid people).
A largely second-string defensive backfield looked great in spite of a single passing touchdown from Alex Smith. Tye Smith, Ronald Martin, Dion Bailey, and DeShawn Shead all showed flashes of the sort of excellence you expect from late-round defensive backs coached up by Pete Carroll’s staff. Also maybe don’t worry because RICHARD SHERMAN HASN’T PLAYED. EARL THOMAS HASN’T PLAYED. KAM CHANCELLOR HASN’T PLAYED.
“Russell Wilson’s too weird to be a great quarterback, but he has smart ideas about concussion water.”
The weird part of this might be true, as evidenced by this week’s Rolling Stone feature on Wilson. Wilson comes across as both a passionate advocate for what he believes in, and an opportunistic showman, looking to constantly maximize value in all things. That the chastity of his relationship with Ciara came out amidst a sermon given at a megachurch feels like the perfect microcosm of Russell Wilson off the field.
All that said, Russell Wilson is still a really good football player, and now he has Jimmy Graham. He’s going to play great this year. Also, to be clear, NO SPECIALTY BRAND OF WATER CAN PREVENT CONCUSSIONS.
This Seahawks team looks as good as last year’s vintage. If anything, this preseason should only increase your expectations for the team: Preseason results don’t matter, injuries do. While the Seahawks have had some guys banged up, no starter has suffered an injury that will force them out of any meaningful action. Meanwhile, the two top contenders in the NFC, Dallas and Green Bay, lost their top corner back and wide receiver for the year. Also, in the division, the Rams' new-look offense looked abysmal and the 49ers' offseason of ignominy got somehow worse with the indictment of linebacker Ahmad Brooks.
So STOP CARING ABOUT PRESEASON FOOTBALL and get on the Quasi-Sufferable Road to Revenging and Reclaiming the Super Bowl, because so far as I can see the Seahawks are worthy favorites.
