This priceless bit of conservative Christian batshitery comes to us via Joe My God:

Sex belongs to Christians. Because sex belongs to God. ‘God created it to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth.’ If it is used by those who do not believe and know the truth, it is prostituted. They have exchanged the glory of God for images. They have torn sex from its God-appointed place in the orbit of marriage. But they do not know what they are doing. And the price they will pay in this life and the next is incalculable. The pleasures of sex are meant for believers. They are designed for their greatest expression by the children of God. He saves His richest gifts for his children. And as we enjoy His gift of sex, we say, by our covenant faithfulness to our spouse, that God is greater than sex.

The whole unhinged piece by Pastor John Piper—sexual reproduction has been around 500,000,000 years old, Christianity has been around for 2000 years and change—is worth a read. My favorite bit: Piper would have us believe that the notoriously sexphobic Paul was some sort of First Century sex-positive love guru.

Batshit evangelicals have argued that the First Amendment applies only to Christians, that marriage is only for Christians, and that the White House is only for Christians. Now sex is only for Christians too. How long until evangelicals Christians are demanding royalties from the five billion sexually active people on earth who aren't Christian?