I met this hot couple recently with a sex swing in their house, and they have some kind of game they play with it, and it sounded fun so I made some plans to meet up with them. The day of, we were discussing logistics and one of them mentioned a coconut oil lube he had from Hawaii. This sent up a red flag (oil based lube + latex condom = trouble) so I asked what types of condoms they had. His response of "the ones you get for free from the bar" (so, obviously latex) turned me off, and I canceled.

From my standpoint, not knowing that oil based lube and latex condoms don't mix is an indicator. Either, it's an indicator that they aren't safe sex experts, or that they're trying to dissuade condom use all together. If I pick up at any point that someone may have a pattern of unsafe sex decisions, I exit the situation because it seems likely to me that one bad decision comes after a series of other bad decisions.

Any deficiency in understanding of safe sex puts me at risk. Sex is always a risk and I understand that, but I like to take risks that are as well informed as they can be. I have a lot of sex, but always with partners I've interrogated to my liking without revealing any red flags.

I was discussing this with a friend who said I was overthinking it. What do you think? Am I being to harsh by extrapolating things and making broad assumptions? Am I being to harsh? I really did want to try that swing!

Sad Without Interesting New Game

I think you missed an opportunity—and I'm not referring to an opportunity to take a ride in a sex swing, SWING, which will hopefully come your way again. You missed an opportunity to educate these two about the risks of mixing oil-based lubes with latex condoms. Instead of cutting off negotiations at the first sign of ignorance about a basic safe-sex practice, you could've and should've clued this guy in on the basic error he was making and the risks he was running. Instead of assuming the worst—he wants to discard the condoms one way or the other (not use them at all, dissolve any that get used)—you should've given him the benefit of the doubt.

That a sexually-active adult might be unaware of the dangers of mixing oil-based lubes and condoms seems incredible, SWING, but if this couple got together young, and if they've been strictly monogamous (and condom-free) until very recently, it's possible that they're as new to swinging and as they are to condoms. Sex ed is really lousy in this country and people sometimes stumble into adulthood—even into middle-age adulthood—without knowing basics likes "don't use oil based lube with latex condoms."

If you had said, "That's not a good idea, dude," and he came back with, "Well, we don't really like to use condoms anyway," then you should've cancelled for sure. But if he had said, "Oh, my God. We honestly had no idea!", SWING, you could've safely tried out that swing safely and made it safer for all the guys who tried it out after you.