Opal Peachey and Ray Tagavilla were the best part of this evening. She played Valerie Rush, a long-suffering chanteuse. He played the bartender, Saul Needle. I would have traded my dinner for a drink with both of them.
Opal Peachey and Ray Tagavilla were the best part of the whole evening. She played Valerie Rush, a long-suffering chanteuse. He played the bartender, Saul Needle, the vessel of all secrets. I would have traded half my dinner for a drink with both of them. Bruce Clayton Tom

Sauced is an immersive dinner theater experience at Cafe Nordo, one with designs to delight all the senses. Food by chef Erin Brindley and drinks dreamed up by the great Murray Stenson are cleverly tied to language and themes in a play, a noir-style thriller full of heavy breathing and snappy dialogue. One of the actors will say the words "the secret kiss," in a dialogue, for instance, and then, behold: out comes a drink called The Secret Kiss. (A brandy, sherry, and Drambuie situation that leaned sweet but was perfectly portioned—you only get a drop of this one, but that's all you need. You know, like a secret kiss.) Annastasia Workman plays a fine piano and directs a live band that bangs out new jazzy tunes and old standards throughout the evening.

Many of the actors do triple duty. In addition to performing the play, they also dish out the food alongside the evening's official servers: Effie (Faith Howes, of whom my guest was particularly fond—"she seemed like a normal human being with true feelings") and Irene (Megan Tyrrell). The actors also sing variously sleepy or saucy numbers while the guests get tipsy and nosh.

The hard work of bringing all of these elements together stretched the talent thin. Execution both on the table and on the stage suffered a little for it. And though the play and vittles were thematically cohesive, the actors seemed divided on the level of their commitment to the film noir bit.

Since there were so many elements of the performance, I quickly developed a qualitative scale based on waxed mustache emoticons, with one mustache ({) being the worst and five mustaches ({{{{{) being the best. Here's how I rated the evening:

The script {

Written by Terry Podgorski and directed by Paul Budraitis

It's 1937, Seattle. Prohibition's been defeated by the the forces of truth and reason, but that fact hasn't helped the creepy-smarmy Mike Binnet (played by Mark Siano), who's drinking himself to death in his own bar, much to the chagrin of Valerie (Opal Peachey), the bar's host and Mike's gal. Then she walks in: Charlotte Bright (Billie Wildrick), a singer Binnet's hired to spice things up. It seems that both Mike and Valeris have romantic pasts with Charlotte. Also, there are some secret vials full of some prohibited substance, and for some reason Charlotte wants these vials, and for some reason Valerie keeps them hidden, and then suddenly the play's over?

At times the dialogue was transcendently good, but the plot was confusing. A convoluted plot comes standard with most noir, but this one was hard to follow and didn't seem to emerge from any real needs within the characters. Winning lines like "Her hair fell down around her shoulders like loose inhibitions," and "Here's to no hard feelings; here's to no feelings at all" couldn't overcome the plot's confusing elements. (The show is a remount of a 2010 staging, reportedly with minimal changes, save for the addition of a gender vector to the love triangle.)

The performances {{{

Ray Tagavilla gets fifteen out of five waxed mustaches for his performance of the bartender, Saul Needle. During the witty back-and-forths, he spoke unfathomably fast and yet perfectly clear, like a Bone Thug-n-Harmony. He fully inhabited his character and gave you a glimpse at how good the play could be if everyone were running on as many cylinders as he was.

To the extent that you felt any sympathy for the characters, you felt it all for Valerie. Her voice was smokey and expressive, her movements graceful and powerful.
To the extent that you felt any sympathy for the characters, you felt it all for Valerie. Her voice was smokey and expressive, her movements graceful and powerful. Bruce Clayton Tom

Both Siano and Wildrick seemed more like caricatures of noir characters. Siano gets two waxed mustaches. Wildrick gets three, one extra for a strong performance of the final song, Violet Hour.
Both Siano and Wildrick seemed more like caricatures of noir characters. They were in a 2-D noir play while Peachey and Tagavilla were in a 3-D noir play. Siano gets two waxed mustaches. Wildrick gets three, one extra for a strong performance of the final song, "Violet Hour." Bruce Clayton Tom

The vittles {{{

On the whole the drinks were well-balanced and well-paired with their dishes. The ginny-lemony gulp up front, the poor man's Manhattan served with dinner, and the final coffee / cream shooter were highlights.

Dinner was four fun courses of fancy 1930s bar food. Instead of peanuts we got slightly spicy, slightly limey mixed nuts that contained an unexpectedly pleasant rice crispy element. Instead of pickled eggs we were given deviled eggs inspired by various steakhouse salads. Like all deviled eggs these were eaten immediately and in silence.

That little pineapple thing is actually a spice. Siano said it was supposed to numb my tongue a little. I felt no such numbing.
That little pineapple thing is actually a spice called a Szechuan “Buzz Button.” Siano said it was supposed to numb my tongue a little. I felt no such numbing. Mary Seton

Next came Oysters Rockefeller, which were Oysters Rockefeller. The entree was quail (an upscale chicken wing) served with parsnips and three sauces (a nod to the sexual relationship between the three main characters). The bird was infuriating to eat with only a butter knife to ply in aid, and the sauces, like the actors, didn't really play nice together. For dessert: a meringue with blackberries and custard. I ate the innards and left the puck. My guest was a vegetarian, a dietary restriction the Sauced folks happily accommodated. I tasted all of her dishes, and they were surprising and flavorful but often mono-textured.

We were seated next to an older couple. After some small talk I learned that these people happened to be the parents of Billie Wildrick, the sultry blonde lead. The noir vibez colored the air with conspiracy, which led me to believe that this seating assignment may have been a clever trick designed to sway my opinion of the play.

You done good, mama and papa Wildrick.
You done good, mama and papa Wildrick. Bruce Clayton Tom

There was a group of women of a certain age sitting at the table next me. They were all wearing flapper hats adorned with spider webby things and feathers. Some wrapped pearls around their wrists. They were having the time of their lives. If you're that kind of person, you should go to this show. If you're working two jobs and can only seem to talk about the rising cost of rent, then you'd be better off not paying the $60-$85 Sauced will set you back (my tickets were comped, for which I was grateful), staying home instead with a glass of bottom-shelf bourbon and paperback of The Big Sleep.