Poor befuddled Jeb Bush is watching his campaign slowly sink into the quicksand, with a huge behind-the-scenes shakeup cutting staff salaries and reassigning jobs. Yeah, sure, that'll turn everything around.

At this point, it's probably just a matter of weeks before he's sitting alone in his office, putting the finishing touches on his announcement that he's dropping out of the race to spend more time with his family, and watching the sun come up over a third too-full tumbler of scotch while he wonders, "What the fuck is wrong with me that I can't even measure up to my idiot brother?"

The Bush campaign is addressing the staffing shift as some sort of nimble pivot, like they're so clever to be adjusting their tactics on the fly, but let's be honest. This is what panic mode looks like.

"We are in this campaign to win," says an internal memo. "We will take every single step necessary to ensure Jeb is the Republican nominee and next President of the United States. We are unapologetic about adjusting our game plan to meet the evolving dynamics of this race to ensure that outcome."

Unapologetic! Sorry, not sorry you're taking home way less money than you were counting on. Don't worry, staffers, you'll more than make it up once Jeb flounders into whatever his next venture is going to be.

Over the entire campaign structure, Bush staffers are being treated to an "evolving dynamic" that amounts to a 40% reduction in payroll. Also, half of the staff at headquarters is getting split up and offered new jobs in a new state. Hope you weren't too attached to your friends — and if you don't like it, you can always quit and go work for the Trump campaign! You know, notoriously generous Trump.

They're also going to be focusing on the slogan "Jeb Can Fix It," which I thought was a joke at first but no, it's for real. Their candidate is literally being compared to Bob the Builder. Please, please, please Jeb Bush, start running commercials where you are unclogging gutters and rewiring a faulty toaster and gluing an old lady's glasses back together.

Also, the memo says, "The release of Jeb’s e-book in a couple weeks will be another opportunity to revisit his strong leadership in Florida and show that if he could fix it in Florida, he can fix Washington."

Ohhhhh sure. Nothing gives a presidential candidate credibility like a hastily ghost-written long-form essay on Kindle. Hey Jeb, why don't you fix your staffers' 40 percent pay cut, I bet they'd appreciate that.

In other Jeb! news, the candidate babbled his way into a weird rhetorical hole this week when someone asked him about his favorite Marvel hero. He first answered that Marvel is itself a hero of capitalism (ugghhhhhhh) then said Batman, which is a bit of a faux pas but it's not like the DC nerds were going to be voting for him anyway.

Then he went even further: "I saw that Supergirl is on TV. I saw it when I was working out this morning. She looked kinda ... she looked pretty hot. I don’t know which channel it’s on, but I’m looking forward to that."

Jeb Bush for President of Lecherous Dirtbags!