Okay, so it's come to this: the Republican candidates for president are so dreadful that party bigwigs are formulating a plan to make Mitt Romney run again. Yes, really.

Mitt, also known as "the guy who lost four years ago," appears to be the party's last-ditch hope at chasing away the truly insane followers of Trump and Carson. Those crowds are fervent enough to force their candidate onto the ticket, but not numerous enough to defeat Hillary — or, for that matter, many of the lesser Congressional candidates running next year.

So! There's a chance (slim, but still) that poor hapless Mitt "corporations are people" Romney will be back for more abuse. And why not? From a purely economic standpoint, they've already got the campaign materials designed, so at least they'll save on graphic designers. Why not run John McCain, Bob Dole, and Wendell Willkie while they're at it?

To be fair, the Republicans are in a pretty tight spot right now. While billionaires like the Kochs are gleefully shelling out cash to "dark money" schemes, other major donors are holding back before they decide which candidate they'd like to pay for. It makes sense: why invest in an industry with eight semi-viable competing products, when you know they're all losers, the two most popular products are in over their heads, market demand is volatile, and any one of the startups could close up shot at any time?

But more importantly, a Trump or Carson presidency would be disastrous for the status quo: rich people/companies selecting a president by dumping billions of dollars into the race, and parties convincing the public that it was actually their votes that chose the winner. Trump doesn't need billions of dollars (though he'll happily take it; though he loves claiming otherwise, his campaign isn't self-funded because that would be even too insane for him) and Carson simply has no idea how politics works, so he exists outside all of the deal-making and bribery.

Republican power-brokers don't know how to get what they want out of either of the frontrunners.

But if Romney ran, ah, problem solved! Now that's the kind of crook everyone knows how to deal with!

Not to mention: we've had approximate 8,000 debates at this point and Americans are still all "meh" on the Republicans. Americans have figured out that the "debates" reveal little and change nothing, which is probably why a lady who refused to listen to Trump at a rally is more interesting than anyone who is actually running. Maybe a crazy shakeup like drafting Romney would finally get people interested again? (Or better yet, draft Johari Osayi Idusuyi!)

In fact, the race is so boring right now that I'm not even going to bother covering the Democratic debate this weekend. (Instead I'll be fundraising for Seattle Children's Hospital by livestreaming videogames all weekend! Come join me. It'll be more fun to watch, and is also vastly more likely to have any impact on the future of the country.)

As for Romney, the race would have to have reached a pretty colossal point before this actually happens. For one thing, Mitt himself said he wouldn't run, and why would he? The guy had a miserable time four years ago. He had an even worse time four years before that. Nevertheless, his friends have reportedly mapped out a strategy for him to jump in at the last minute

But here's what Romney had to say a year ago: "One of our next generation of Republican leaders, one who may not be as well known as I am today, one who has not yet taken their message across the country, one who is just getting started, may well emerge as being better able to defeat the Democrat nominee."

Well, he wasn't totally wrong. The next generation is definitely emerging, and their political experience is pretty much zero. Still, I doubt Romney could possibly have predicted the race would be dominated by a billionaire birther and a bumbling Egyptologist. There's no predicting this race.