I just listened to Episode 486 of the Savage Lovecast. This is specifically regarding the woman who wondered if she could learn to like giving blowjobs.

When I first met my husband, I identified as lesbian—I was young, I've since learned that I'm bi, and that you don't have to just choose one—but when I met him I was extremely uncomfortable even looking at his dick, let alone going down on him. However, I have learned to enjoy it. And I disagree with some of the advice you gave—specifically to put just the head in her mouth. I would say that that's really the hardest part of the dick to suck, because of pre cum. The rest of it is like licking/mouthing any other part of the body, so I'd say, run your mouth up and down the shaft to start, lick it, suck at it, go at everything but the very tip, keep that part in your hand, and if needed, wipe away any dripping pre cum because really that's the thing that made me the most squeamish at first. (I did this with my husband and he found it very pleasurable, and in fact thought he was all the way in my mouth until he looked.) The other thing that worked for me in developing a "taste" for giving blowjobs was reading a lot of erotica—but that may have worked for me because I have a thing for being submissive, and seeing it in that light (which is really really easy to find online) helped me eroticize giving blowjobs.

I do have a question of my own, about sex toys.

I have an imminently realizable fantasy, which is to be double penetrated with an anal vibrator while my husband fucks me. He's totally game for trying it, but I'm having trouble selecting a toy. I'm wondering what you'd recommend? What (if anything) is the difference between anal vibrators made for men and those made for women? We've had anal sex before, which I enjoy, but I've never had an anal toy before, so what should I be looking for? I know I want something that will easily stay in place and not get in the way but I don't know what style would be best for that.

Loyal Ex-Lesbian Listener

Thanks for the feedback, LELL, and I'm delighted you found a blowjob technique that worked for you when you were first getting into cock (although I imagine your husband was considerably more delighted), to say nothing of finding erotica that helped you get into full-blown blowjobs.

But a quick clarification (although I think this was clear enough on the show): My advice about sucking just the head was directed at someone who was nervous about taking a very large cock in her mouth, not at someone who wasn't sure she was into sucking cock. I suggested she wrap her hand(s) around the shaft and just take the head in her mouth—or just the head and change—while assuring her that her big-dicked partner would be unlikely to notice the difference. So long as her hands were wet (employing your lick/mouth the shaft technique prior to taking the head in her mouth would be a good way to get the shaft wet), her fingers weren't bony, and her grip wasn't too tight, the guy she was blowing might not notice the difference—and, if he did, he'd enjoy the blowjob regardless.

As for butt toy recommendations, LELL, I forwarded your question to Jeneen at SheBop, Portland's awesome/progressive/feminist/educational sex toy shop. Jeneen wrote back...

I'd love to give a quick recommendation!

To touch on: "What (if anything) is the difference between anal vibrators made for men and those made for women?"

Toys (anal plugs) that are curved at the end are designed to target prostate (as well as G-spot). However any body really can use either a straight or curved toy. The most important thing for anal play is that you use a toy that has a flanged base or handle so that it can be easily retrieved. Silicone is also a great material for a plug since it is non-porus and easy to clean and phthalate free.

Any of our Fuze brand anal plugs Arrow, Quattro, Triton, Hero (you choose the size that seems to your liking) can accommodate a bullet vibrator and be small enough to not interfere with other activity.

Realizing her fantasies about double penetration could also progress to her husband using a double penetration harness such as the Menage a Trois or Deuce in which his penis and a vibrating dildo strapped on him can actively penetrate simultaneously.

We also have a great guide on our blog on How To Choose An Anal Toy that she may find helpful for more insight.