Savage Love Letter of the Day: Straight Uncle Offers Trans Nephew A Summer in the City (But Mom Says No)
by Tuesday at 1:30 pm•
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My wife and I live in a big city. We have two very small kids. We have lots of friends in the LGBTQ community. My sister (and her ex-husband) live in a small town. Their biological daughter—at age 16—has just come out as trans. He has done some amazing things, like get his high school to install at least some gender-neutral bathrooms and consider changing overall bathroom regulations. But I don’t think he has a lot of exposure to other folks in the community. We were thinking of inviting him to come and stay with us this summer; we’d pay all the expenses, give him his own room, help him find a job or internship (one of our LGBTQ friends has already agreed, if he’s willing, to give him part-time work at a local activism organization.) The problem is that my nephew’s parents don’t want us to do any of this, and say that we’re interfering. They say that their child may still be just “in a phase.” I don’t know whether that’s true or not, but my argument is that we have to support the person my nephew IS right now, not the person he may or may not become (or have been). Obviously, we can’t make the summer plan happen without parental approval since my nephew remains a minor, but my sister has asked me not to even mention the offer or any of the surrounding issues to my nephew. I feel like he may need the support and I want him to know that whatever he’s going through, he has a loving family here in the big city to depend on and that accepts him.
Don’t know what to do, ethically/morally/logistically.
Uncle Recommends Bringing Along Nephew