by Monday at 3:40 pm•
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I pretty much fell out of the closet after Trump got elected. I had a kid to raise in a small conservative town and I've always figured she was my top priority. For years now I've focused on being the calmest, safest space I could for my child and I put her needs ahead of my own. I thought there would be time for me once she was older.
But his election made my own lack of community feel so painful that I couldn't stay locked away any longer. So I came out to a few people and then a few more and it keeps happening. And now I'm going through this massive jumble of emotions that seems scarier every single day. I've tried to be smart and proactive here. I found a good therapist (I drive pretty far away to see him but he's worth it) and I'm seeing him consistently. I talked to my doctor about all of this and attempted to see what he knew about local support (there is none). I tried a few of the online dating apps just to meet some new people but I kept getting relentlessly hit on by men instead of women and goddamn it all because I think I feel more alone now than I did when I was refusing to acknowledge I had any emotions or that I was even gay in the first place. I'm still trying there, and I'm attempting to initiate what I can when someone interests me, but it all feels like I'm in way over my head. It's so much to process all at once.
I know exactly one other lesbian in my little town and I've tried connecting with her but she's got her own issues. I can't uproot my kid and I can't afford to up and quit my job and just move to a more open and accepting city even though I'd really love to. I have at least four years until that's an option. I don't know what to do or who to reach out to, Dan, and I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind.
A Lesbian Openly Needing Empathy