A Little Good News Out of Texas

The state's rabidly anti-LGBT governor called a special session of the Texas state legislature expressly to pass an anti-trans bathroom bill. The bill died yesterday:

Texas measures criticized as being discriminatory for limiting transgender people's access to bathrooms in schools and public buildings died on Tuesday, as the House adjourned and ended its special legislative session. Business leaders and civil rights groups had battled to defeat the bills, saying they advanced bigotry, would tarnish the state's image and damage its economy. The measures were blocked by moderate House Republicans. Adoption by Texas, the most populous Republican-dominated state, could have fed momentum in other socially conservative states on the issue, a flashpoint in the U.S. culture wars.

North Carolina's anti-trans bathroom bill—passed in 2016 and kindasortanotreally repealed earlier this year—was on track to cost the state nearly $4 billion dollars in lost business over a dozen years before North Carolina kindasortanotreally came to its senses. If Texas could've gotten away with passing this bill, i.e. if the trans community alone would've paid a steep and sometimes lethal price, Texas would've passed this hateful legislation in a heartbeat. But when they realized this legislation wasn't going to hurt trans people alone... they balked. But take heart, bigots: Republicans in Texas found other ways to hurt queers.

A Message From the DSA

A skeleton in hipster glasses is going to defeat the Nazis with the help of Hillary Clinton's much-maligned campaign slogan? Maybe Heidi can explain this to me when she gets in.

Fox News Pundolt: The Confederate Flag and the Rainbow Flag "Represent the Same Thing"

These colors dont run. They sashay, gurl.
These colors don't run. They sashay, gurl.

Raw Story:

During an interview on Fox & Friends, [right-wing author Star] Parker said that it was “ironic” that so many people on the left wanted to bring down Confederate flags and monuments when they were simultaneously advocating for the rainbow flag that’s a symbol for LGBT rights. “You know what’s really interesting and really incredible irony here is the same people that are demanding that the Confederate flag comes down are the same people that are insisting that the rainbow flag goes up,” Parker said, via Media Matters. “These two flags represent the exact same thing."

Ah, yes. I remember it well. In 1974 the gay states seceded from the Union to defend our right to keep straight people as slaves. The first shots were downed at the Sip & Twirl on Fire Island on the morning of April 12, 1974, and the War of Hetero Aggression would go on for four and long bloody Mary years. As part of the terms of our surrender, the gays agreed to put Burt Reynolds on the cover of After Dark Magazine and allow the gay character played by Billy Crystal on Soap to get a girlfriend. The Confabulouscy may be a distant memory now but it's an important part of our heritage. Which is why we gays still fly the rainbow flag to this day.

Savage Love Letter of the Day: Just The Tip


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Maddow on White Supremacist Violence: "A Persistent Infection in White American Culture"

Rachel Maddow opened last night with a timely reminder: white supremacist and neo-Nazi violence is nothing new. Demonstrations, robberies, assassinations, hostage-takings, and efforts by racist rightwing extremists to start a race war—nothing new.

"It always seems amazing every time it surfaces, but we have always had it," Maddow said of American white supremacism and neo-Nazism. "And overtime they go through various ridiculous and self-important names and iterations and patterns of symbolic behavior. But overtime it's all the same basic idea, and at it's core it's aways violent. It's the Order, it's the Klan, it's Aryan Nations, it's the Christian Identity Movement, now they want to be called the alt-right—okay, whatever. Their ideas are not new, their violence is not new."

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Savage Love Letter of the Day: Fucking Nazis


I'm a woman in her early 30s having sex with a guy in his early 20s. The sex is more than casual as we really care about each other but ultimately have no interest in pursuing a serious relationship.

My concern is that this guy has some alt-right sympathies that reveal themselves in our political discussions, which take place fairly often. He's a Trump guy, but hesitates to admit it because he knows I'm very much anti-Trump. He posts memes created by Mike Cernovich and Milo Yiannopolous on his Facebook and gets his news from hard right publications. He also has a sister and brother-in-law who happen to be Holocaust deniers. This all concerns and confuses me because he's such a sweet guy and honestly, so goddamn good in bed. He's the definitive GGG, really attentive and caring and experimental. He might be the best lay I've ever had.

I can't reconcile these two sides of him, but I also can't help trying to enlighten him a little bit. One of his best features is his open-mindedness. He's read books and watched documentaries I've recommended and he's always willing to talk about anything with curiosity and respect. I feel a responsibility to this young, confused, and frankly not-too-bright person who's surrounded by bad influences, but I know it's never smart to attempt to change someone. I want to be understanding and gently guide him in a better direction, but sometimes his ignorance is aggravating. I can also sense that he's beginning to feel a little judged and even threatened by me, which can only make things worse.

I keep thinking of your campsite rule and wonder at one point does one give up throwing logic and articles at someone who thought Hilary Clinton ran a child sex ring out of a pizza parlor? Can I continue to have sex with someone who thinks the left are conspiring to turn everyone communist?

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Conflicted Lover

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Savage Love Letter of the Day: A Closet Full of Lesbians


I'm a 26-year-old lesbian from Australia and I have a question about one of my friends. She has been with her boyfriend for about seven years and they have been through a lot together, including the death of his father a couple of years ago. She came out as a lesbian to myself and another friend (who's bi) at the start of the year with lots of promises that she would be breaking up with her boyfriend as soon as possible. Cut to now: They're still together and in the months that have passed she has had an intense affair with a woman that she swore we were not allowed to tell anyone about.

She keeps making excuses about why she is not breaking up with her boyfriend, despite the fact that they haven't had sex in over a year. I find her reluctance to come out as a really hurtful situation to be brought into as someone who's out, because it feels like she would rather be miserable in this straight relationship than risk being out (and happy!) but judged by others.

I just don't know how to be her friend through this when I am so hurt by her actions. I don't know how to reference her relationship in conversations with other friends because I'm not allowed to say anything. I feel burdened by this knowledge and frustrated by her carelessness both to me, and more importantly, to her boyfriend. How should I address this with her, when she knows how much it's hurting me to have her talk to me about it?

Angry Lesbian Lying4 You

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Required Viewing: The Opening of Last Night's Rachel Maddow Show

Rachel Maddow might make you feel a little better about the news...

But everything else going on this morning is going to make you feel worse...

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Seattle Mayoral Race: Oh, Hey—There Was a Ballot Drop Today?

There was a tiny ballot drop today. "It remains almost certain that Cary Moon will make it through to the November election," Heidi Groover wrote yesterday. Today it looks a weensy bit certain-er that Moon will take second and go through to the general election. As of 3:37 this afternoon (BREAKING!), Moon, urban planner, now leads Nikkita Oliver, lawyer and activist, by 1,287 votes. That's down from Moon's 1,301 vote lead yesterday, which was down from her lead the day before. Oliver keeps picking up votes, but not enough to overtake Moon. Durkan remains in the lead, of course, but her lead ain't strong enough for Durkan to start drafting her general election victory speech yet. Durkan v. Most-Likely-Moon/Probably-Not-Oliver is gonna be a real race.

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Savage Love


My boyfriend of eight months, K, and I are polyamorous. We started the relationship on that foot, and for a while I was the partner he spent the most time with. There have been ups and downs, but overall our relationship is solid and loving. However, recently we both started dating the same woman, L, and they have been spending more time together than with me due to my work schedule. They both reassure me that they love me and care for me deeply, but I am an anxiously-attached person and sometimes I have panic attacks when they spend more time with others/themselves and fear that they're going to leave me. I'm working on becoming more secure via books on cognitive behavioral therapy, and I'm looking into in-person therapy. This is my first serious relationship, but not his (I'm 22, he's 35). And while K has been super patient with me, my worry and grasping is a point of friction in the relationship. K has told me he doesn't want to be solely responsible for my sexual satisfaction and my need for constant reassurances that he cares. The anxiety has been flaring up most strongly concerning sex—we're all switches, and K and L are both professional Dominants. I feel neglected if K doesn't penetrate me but he penetrates L, or if L gets to penetrate K via a strap-on and I don't. He's very good about voicing what he desires, while I'm learning to speak up despite feeling like I'm just being needy and grasping again. I love both my partners, but I've been feeling sexually neglected—and with a HIGH sex drive, it's been quite painful. This is my first "trio rodeo" and I really want to make it work—I've seen a future with K for a while (the I-want-your-children kind), and L is joining those future visions. How can I find a way to create more opportunities for sexy-time and not ruin it with anxiety attacks?

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Savage Love Letter of the Day: Reader Advice Round-up


The last week's letters-of-the-day: How can he help the rent boys of Grindr, how should he calm his boner, and her new boyfriend canceled plans with her to hang out with a friend of his with stage 4 cancer. Also: last week's column and Lovecast.

I said what I had to say. Now readers, listeners, and slut-and-porn-and-non-monogamy-shamers get their say....

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Republicans Hate Democrats Democracy

Washington Post:

Critics of President Trump have repeatedly warned of his potential to undermine American democracy. Among the concerns are his repeated assertions that he would have won the popular vote had 3 to 5 million “illegals” not voted in the 2016 election, a claim echoed by the head of a White House advisory committee on voter fraud. Claims of large-scale voter fraud are not true, but that has not stopped a substantial number of Republicans from believing them. But how far would Republicans be willing to follow the president to stop what they perceive as rampant fraud? Our recent survey suggests that the answer is quite far: About half of Republicans say they would support postponing the 2020 presidential election until the country can fix this problem.

The last word in that sentence really should be in quotes. Voter fraud is a not "problem," as the Washington Post points out earlier in that graph. It is itself a fraud—a fraud perpetrated by the GOP to justify voter suppression efforts. Efforts like this:

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This Is Good News

Shake Shack is coming to Seattle! I'll finally be able to get a Chicago hot dog here, with celery salt—and no goddamn cream fucking cheese. Yay!

Savage Love Letter of the Day: Her New Boyfriend Canceled Plans to See a Friend with Cancer


I'm writing to you from Kenya. My friends and I listen to you religiously and love your podcast it's helped us get through some really tough situations.

So my question is this: How do you know if someone has actually broken up with you and when is the respectable time to call time of death if he won't answer your calls or messages?

Here's my sticky situation: I've been seeing this guy for about four months and the relationship has been littered with ups and downs—but the ups have been really great. But this past weekend his friend flew in for work. His friend has stage 4 cancer but has decided to live up his life so you couldn't really tell that he's sick just by looking at him or hanging out with him but it's there. So my boyfriend hangs out with his sick friend on Friday and we hang out with him on Saturday as a group, which was great.

Unfortunately my boyfriend and I had made plans to go to a show that I absolutely love—a show that only happens twice a year—the week before his friend showed up. My boyfriend proceeds to cancel our plans to take his friend out which really upset me because there had been a trend of him canceling our plans to hang out with his friends, which we had spoken about before. I only asked him for three hours of his time after which we could go and pick his friend up and hang. Was I insensitive for being upset at his clear disregard for the plans we previously set?

My boyfriend sent me a one line text ending the relationship the next morning and he hasn't answered any of my phone calls or texts thereafter with an explanation or anything. Was I a horrible person for getting upset or should I just DTMFA! And move on?

Your help would really be appreciated.

Mostly Frustrated

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Savage Love Letter of the Day: How to Calm a Boner


I'm 34, bi, male, married to 22-year-old, bi, sexy-as-fuck lady! We've been married 9 months, together for 2 years. Here's the issue: I think she's the sexiest person I've ever been with. Yes, I love her personality, intelligence, independence, values, everything you should love in your partner, but that ASS! I am horny 24/7 because she is always walking around in her underwear! She wears thongs or booty shorts and a t-shirt that is just high enough to show her ass, any time when we're home. As soon as she gets home, the pants come off. I love this, or I did…last night she wore see-thru panties and we were laying on the couch watching TV and I couldn't keep my hands off of her but she wasn't in the mood and it started a fight. She asked if I thought she was leading me on… and I don't know the answer.

I've always considered myself a respectful gentleman, but sometimes it's like I'm obsessed with her body! Her body is the type I've always lusted for, but never had. The sex is the best sex I've ever had too. It's like I'm on drugs when we fuck. When we're home together, I'm constantly fighting off a boner. I've never wanted to fuck someone this much, and I've been married once before! We have an agreement that we can have flings with people of the same gender since we are bi. But I haven't really wanted the touch of a dude in a while because my wife is so satisfying! But how do I turn it off? We can't snuggle on the couch and watch TV without me getting hard. I know it's my responsibility to respect her body and personal space. I feel like this is all on me, and I need to change, but she asked if she should wear more clothes so she doesn't always feel the pressure from me wanting her. I don't want her to wear more clothes, but is that the logical option? Is it fair to put that on her? (I don't think so.) I thought I was better than this! What do I do!?

Hopelessly A Rockhard Dick

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