I first fell for Varla Jean Merman in Girls Will Be Girls, the camp-cinema classic in which the voluptuous ingenue-for-life blows johns, eats lots, and lights up the screen like the illegitimate love child of Ernest Borgnine and Ethel Merman (which she claims to be). Tonight, performer Jeffery Roberson brings Varla's one-woman show to Re-bar. What she can do with Cheez Whiz will astound you. (Re-bar, 1114 Howell St, brownpapertickets.com. 8 pm, $25, 21+. Also Sat April 12.)