Yes, yes, He died for our sins, turned water into wine, and secured Mary J. Blige's recent Grammy win—but for many Seattleites, Jesus Christ's primary claim to fame is as the catalyst for Dina Martina's legendary Christmas shows. After another summer knocking 'em dead in Provincetown, Seattle's favorite chanteuse/raconteur/train wreck returns with another Christmas blowout. Expect butchered songs, face-numbingly-weird anecdotes, and deep, raucous laughter. (Re-bar, 1114 Howell St, ticketwindowonline.com. 8 pm, $20, 21+. Through Dec 31.)