(BOOZY ORTHOGRAPHY) What do people like to do when they're drunk? Show off their big fucking brains, that's what. Well here's your chance, poindexter—the Seattle Spelling Bee (hosted by a champion from the Williamsburg Bee in Brooklyn), where contestants win prizes and drink tickets as they slur their way to the top. Just imagine that spazzy kid from Spellbound with a couple of shots in him—now that's entertainment! (Re-bar, 1114 Howell St, 233-9873. 8 pm, $5, 21+.)