Whoa, blast from the past! Haven't seen Megan's name in a minute
And saying "NOW I understand it's not right to grope women because I'm a husband/father" is total bullshit.
You always knew.
"Line of respect" my ass.
Polygraph tests don't work. There's no such thing as a "lie detector test."
Will the Stranger stop running ads for his establishments? Did the Stranger attempt to block this story from publication prior to Brownstone leaving?
@3 don't confuse "inadmissible" with "doesn't work". By modern standards, there's no way fingerprints should be admissible as evidence, but we've got em.
True, though I think polygraphs are ALSO inadmissible in addition to not working.
Wonderful to see a Megan Seling byline.
A couple thoughts.
If only enough people had followed these guidelines 30 or 40 years ago in their dealings with Donald Trump!
Unfortunately, I think what's true for most of us is that our interactions with shitty people primarily come through work; those shitty people have some kind of power over us; cutting them off is not an option; and reporting them is a highly risky option. There is a certain art to surviving at a job where you're working with a monster and that monster is enabled by a clueless manager, or even worse when the monster is the manager. How do you avoid direct conflict? How do you maintain your dignity in the face of attempts to humiliate or subordinate you? How do you do your job when someone might be deliberately trying to prevent you from doing your job? How do you separate yourself from your work situation and adjust the way you engage with work?
Of course, when you have a shitty human being as a co-worker, they will be shitty to you as long as they are your co-worker because they will remain a shitty human being as long as they draw breath. And so ultimately, you're faced with the question, is this situation tolerable or not, and if not, do you quit or do something that might get yourself fired? My general thinking? Don't worry about justice or fairness; you always have to look out for yourself. Start looking for another job ASAP, position yourself to quit, and then, once you already have one foot out the door, you have the liberty to say why.
I am blow away by the quality of this written piece, the complexity of the argument, and the overall sophisticated level of debate this article presents.
@8 Sure, but it's no Katie "Hot Take" Herzog, that's for sure.
Is this piece an argument for dumping The Stranger for reading material, and just going straight to using it for toilette paper?
You cite one other example where people's gut instincts were right...therefore every time you come across a shitty person they are a rapist to be cut out of your life magically? HOKAY good luck with that, operating in society. You should stick to writing about your profound depression, the only good work you ever produced here.
@11 It’s the type of shitty people they are worried about. Next piece will be her top ten not so shitty shitty people a Leftist can hang out with.
Dan Savage's intern for 13 years ... wait, what?
A Megan Seling byline! And a good piece of writing too.
You know, the Stranger really has had some grade-A writers pass through over the years.
As someone who knows the accused in many spectrums of the human behavioral rainbow - I can say these accusations do not surprise me. I believe the accusers. I am deeply saddened. This is tragic on so many levels.
Great post, cressona. this caught my eye: "There is a certain art to surviving at a job where you're working with a monster and that monster is enabled by a clueless manager, or even worse when the monster is the manager. How do you avoid direct conflict? How do you maintain your dignity in the face of attempts to humiliate or subordinate you? How do you do your job when someone might be deliberately trying to prevent you from doing your job? How do you separate yourself from your work situation and adjust the way you engage with work?"
Why couldn't School be like that? Oh, that's right it can.
I wonder how many mass shootings came from situations just like that. Got an arsenal? They're really easy to get. (you don't even hafta prove you're not fucking crazy) So, the unstable* can 'get even.' No, make that get waaaaythefuck too far ahead. Tragically, it seems like suicide'd be the better option on this.
Suicide of the asshole / monster.
*or whoever *
*get 'em at gunshows!
KRO= Keep RepubliKKKans Out.
I am curious as to how many women need to say they were assaulted by someone before that person is considered a serial sexual predator and/or a rapist? Five isn't enough for the people commenting on these articles being written about Dave Meinert. Would 10 be enough? 20? 30? 40? 50? 100? When does the word of a woman and/or women = enough for people to believe that the person accused of being a serial sexual predator and/or rapist is one?
To everyone defending Dave Meinert:
Good for you that he did something personally for you, so you don't believe the women.
Good for you that he didn't rape you, so you don't believe the women.
Good for you that you think that the law enforcement agencies and judicial systems in this country are fair and unbiased and the only arbiter of guilt or innocence (your gullibility, stupidity, and privilege are ASTOUNDING), so you don't believe the women.
It's incredible to me (as in i can't fucking believe it are you fucking kidding me) that sexual violence must be proven beyond a shadow of the doubt by the victims to the satisfaction of the masses and the one thing that is ALWAYS TALKED ABOUT AND THE FIRST THING EVERYONE IS SO CONCERNED ABOUT IS HOW A BOY OR A MAN'S LIFE IS GOING TO BE DESTROYED BECAUSE SOME GIRL OR WOMAN HAS COME FORWARD AND STATED SHE HAS BEEN SEXUALLY ASSAULTED BY SAID BOY OR MAN.
Donald Trump raped children and his own wife. He is a proud, self-proclaimed pussy grabber. He has stated repeated and in vile detail how much he'd like to fuck his own daughter. And he's the illegitimate, traitor in chief, residing in the White House. Boy his life got ruined, huh?
EVERY SINGLE DAY women are murdered because they refuse men's demands that they meet their sexual needs. EVERY SINGLE DAY women are harassed, accused, beaten, raped, gang raped violently, harmed (stabbed, shot, run over, set on fire, strangled, maimed, murdered...) because they refuse men's demands that they meet sexual needs. EVERY SINGLE DAY THIS HAPPENS and yet when women come forward and say they have been assaulted in any way, everyone becomes so very concerned about the male life that might be ruined by such accusations and rush to defend the accused.
Remember when an 11 year old girl was gang raped in Texas by 25 men? She was vilified and accused of seducing all of them. AN 11 YEAR OLD CHILD. WE LIVE IN A MISOGYNIST, VIOLENT, HATEFUL SOCIETY that pretends it cares about the lives of children and women when really the only lives that matter are the ones where the people involved have white skin, penises dangling between their legs, and how much money (and power and influence) they have.
Donald Trump is a piece of shit. Every single person who voted for him and supports him is also a piece of shit.
Dave Meinert, looks like he's a piece of shit, 5 women (that we know of) say so. Every single person rushing to defend him and saying derogatory shit about the 5 women who have come forward saying he assaulted them, you are a piece of shit.
I'd like to live in a world where the victims of violence aren't vilified from the get go as liars (if they're accusing someone of sexual assault) as thugs/thieves/non-humans (if they're black and murdered by police), etc.
People who have murder weapons in their homes and children shoot and kill someone with their guns get sympathy and the murder is considered "an accident."
And yet people who are sexually assaulted and are willing to come forward and tell what happened to them are liars, people with an agenda to destroy someone else's life, and made to feel that what happened to them was their fault, always.
Fuck all y'all. Every last one of you.
@18 xina: Thank you, and YEAH!
I don’t believe him either Megan.
And second to that Grizelda.
This low life trying to squirm out of it by carrying on about lie detectors. Now it’s his turn to feel threatened and scared and vulnerable.
EVIDENCE. Didn’t say he didn’t do it. EVIDENCE. If he commuted a crime then he should be charged, tried, and convicted. You do that by having EVIDENCE.
I only read your first paragraph because BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. This whole idea that we are all in cahoots with Meinert is nonsense. Don’t know the guy, and went to Comet once about 2 years ago because I happen to see the Hillary Trump debate as I walked by.
@18 Yeah, it is called DUE PROCESS. I am more shocked that you said that "who cares" if someone's life, who is innocent, is ruined, fake accusers should automatically be believed without any evidence. Idiot.
Also, do if you want to talk about children and women being raped (Trump? What? Are you retarded?) let's talk about Muslim Grooming and Rape Gangs in Europe and how the lefties over there bend over backwards to defend. Oh no? Don't want to talk about that one huh? Yeah, we know. You'd rather watch kids and women being raped than being called an inslamophobe. No surprise here.
@22 how about giving men advice on how not to sexually assault and rape women? that's the only way it will stop. period. let's hear your list of advice to men on how not to sexually harass, assault, and rape women. let's hear that. let's hear that ALL OF THE TIME. let's stop making it women's responsibility for preventing men from behaving badly and hurting them. men need the coaching. men need the talking to. men need the advice. men need the behavioral training.
@26 women know this. they don't need to be told. and if they stop being vigilant and make a mistake by not following your advice, it's still not their fault that they were assaulted. women have to move through the world in ways that men never even have to think about EVER (unless they are gay, then perhaps in some ways they do).
women do not need to be educated. women are educated from birth on how to protect themselves from men and just in case they don't get the education in enough detail, they see on a daily basis exactly what men are allowed to get away with and how. sexual harassment, assault, molestation, and rape in this country are not a case of "a few bad actors" - they the daily course of action of men against women (and children) in this country. look up the statistics. according to RAINN every 98 seconds someone in this country is sexually assaulted.
women already know and women already do what they can to protect themselves. the only way this will stop is when men stop doing it. when men who don't do it stop being complicit by doing nothing to the men who do do it. there is no working together to get it done. it's the responsibility of men to end it.
you should really read the stories at http://whenwomenrefuse.tumblr.com/ and really read them, ALL OF THEM, because honestly it doesn't matter what women do. no matter how they behave or respond, they are harmed and harmed by men who simply believe that they have some given right to have what they want and to do as they please.
and also, men rape infants - and those infants typically die when they are raped by grown men. please tell me how an infant should protect herself so she doesn't get raped? children are raped. should children be sat down at age, what, 1? 2? 3? 4? 5? and given a list of ways they can protect themselves and not engage in behavior that will get them raped? teenage girls are raped by their boyfriends who demand sex as a right. i could go on and on, but you get the point by now (i hope).
and all of the suggestions given to women about how to behave so they don't get sexually assaulted by men wholly negates the fact that women are also human beings who are sexual, like to have sex, might be interested in having sex with someone, enjoy sexual attention, and STILL deserve to feel safe, have autonomy over their bodies and who does what to them, and to not be raped.
@26, nice of you to suggest strategies for women.
Patronising of you, like we’ve never worked strategies out for ourselves to keep us safe.
As for going to the police straight away, perhaps the #metoo moment will change things, also maybe abusive men, thru fear of being caught, not thru care of women, will think about how they behave.
Whether this creep gets jail time for his alleged crimes (I believe the five women), his name and reputation is now shot, doesn’t matter how many crisis teams he employs.
@27 and women kill infants. Since we are painting with broad brush here.
@28 then you should believe @24 since you like to believe people without evidence.
I would SO love to see men experiencing pregnancy, labor, childbirth, and delivery, and find out exactly what the alterations to their bodies do over time. Abortion rights, proof of rape, and sexual abuse would no longer be a bullshit subject of political debate. Hey, cis guys, no more kids from us women, anymore! It's all on you. You'll be squealing like pigs in the delivery room, and good luck to ya.
I believe Jack Nicholson said it best as "just your average, horny little devil" in The Witches of Eastwick: "Men are such cocksuckers."
Very well written and thoughtful article on how to handle the jerks of this world -- and there are a few here and there which really need handling thusly.
Most people I have known are genuine and caring about others. Those are the ones to retain as friends. However, it is hard, sometimes, to let go of a supposed friendship because of "whatever" they have meant in your life. But if they are a jerk, they will continue to be a jerk, and one shouldn't carry the baggage of being a jerk-provider. So, I hope that many may gain some insight to a more healthy life by absorbing the ideas in this article.
@29: the evidence is the word of five women, and the people they told at the time, moron. And how this low life tried to head it off at the pass by emailing one of the women before she talked, suggesting they chat. And getting an investigator to dig dirt. You even read Sydney’s article?
Hanging out with guys you are not attracted to does not warp the perspectives of everyone else, solipsists.
When I’m sitting somewhere, watching some girl having a drink, getting super buddy-buddy with someone she just met, inform him that she “keeps getting raped”, well, what MrB is saying is quite relevant.
I’ve walked out of houses in the middle of the night because I’m just supposed to have my way without interaction.
Terrible things happen, perpetrated by monsters. Otherwise you chose to spend time with a scum bag.
No amount of anything alters this reality.
@29: Spoken like a true Trump-supporting serial rapist.
@33 LavaGirl: Forget it--he's senselessly trolling.
I’d love to read an article on the intersectionality of collectivism and “pussy is pussy” rape culture.
Check out this gal who just said fuck NO:
“Waitress Discusses Taking Down Man Who Groped Her: ‘We Deal With a Lot’”
So, I’m supposed to email you guys about being suspended for the above statements.
I’d fix the wording, though. It says I should do so to see if we can “work it out”
Do you even lift bro?
I considered doing so, and all I’d ask is what I said that is wrong. You’d likely attempt to educate me about victim-blaming, because as we all know, labels are a reality-defeating panacea.
I wouldn’t be apologetic and you’d uphold the suspension.
This is where I would like to refer you to the title of this article.
Enjoy your new undead badger.
@22/@26, lets not forget that the woman who went to the police wasn’t hanging out alone with a guy. She went to the bathroom to change her tampon and he ambushed her there.
She also resisted and tried to make him stop, even if the prosecutor didn’t think she tried hard enough.
Finally, she went to the police.
She did everything you’re telling her to do. Do you still judge her as a woman not wise enough to follow your awesome advice?
For the apologist, man or woman: you're on your way out. We're not going backwards. We're done.
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