VS. DO NOT JOIN A SORORITY/FRATERNITY

I'm not sure how my opponent earnestly plans to advise against living in a neocolonial mansion teeming with gym-sculpted men, but I ASSume he'll mention that frat houses are basically expensive, booze-soaked rape dens that also torture young men and encourage them to hate other young men because they belong to an alphabetically dissimilar booze-soaked rape den. He would be right to mention that indefensible history, and I'd be wrong to defend it.

But fraternities are composed of people, and people can change. (Right?) Leverage your class/race/gender privilege and change the system from the inside. Sounds impossible, and it likely is—but if you're magnetic enough, you can lead by example and call out rapacious and racist bullshit when you see it. Be the guy who convinces that guy not to be that guy. You might find that there are others like you.

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If you can remove the toxic masculinity from frats, you've basically got yourself a commune of men sharing meals together, passing down old exams and ancient cheating techniques, greatly extending your network of friends and associates, and cleaning up a highway on occasion. As a "rebel-loner," you might not feel so compelled to clean up a highway. You might not feel compelled to do anything for anyone except for the three or four buddies who more or less reflect your "rebel-loner" values.

My only experience with sororities was watching Lauren and Mindy get hammered and glue tiny bits of tissue paper to a piece of cardboard in the service of building a homecoming float. Oh, and once I listened as one of their "sisters" described a hazing technique that involved fat-circling and being tricked into jumping on a floor covered in Doritos. She thought the ground was going to be covered in glass, so she chalked up the corn-chip switcheroo as a win. Could be fun?