How to Complain About Seattle Like a Local

Five things you need to hate—and how to hate them correctly—if you want to fit in here.

Comments

1
it is contemptible, this independent paper. why just look at these articles bubbling with cool talk at the youths. a whole annual issue even. if you really want to sound like a local, stare in people's windows while walking past, apologise and offer gratitude to crows, and after any artistic event say stuff like, "your liberal performances can't hide your dry, sarcastic, passive aggressive bitch ass liberal racism."
2
hey faggot! (how many people even get that anymore?). that was when the stranger was still cool.

you at least got number 5 correct.

3
If you think traffic sucks and you're stuck in traffic. You are the traffic and therefore you suck.
4
Awww ... people. You just had a rough year or so (who was yer editor then?). With more SLOG postings and the redesign/pub schedule, you look to be on the path back. #hugs
5
Heidi dear, everyone knows that the original pillaging of Seattle began with THE CALIFORNIANS who all started coming here after Prop 13 was passed. Yes, that makes no sense. It doesn't have to.
6
The Stranger is now in cahoots with the staple industry.
7
The Stranger sucks now because it reduced the diversity of voices among its staff. Heidi, Sydney, Ana, and Steven are essentially the same whiny, entitled, and mentally unstable voice that has saturated the Facebook and Twitter feed of every liberal/leftist in urban America. Jettison 2-3 of them and make room for perspectives that are novel and challenging.
9
Mudede is the only good writer left at The Stranger, and The Funhouse is the only piece of old Seattle left that's worth a damn. Sydney fucking sucks. Go back to Omaha and Iowa City, ya fucking transplants.
10
@5: Somewhere in Rio Linda California, ~1978:

"Thank God we're getting a relief in property taxes. We can afford to stay in our own home dear!"

"Better yet, let's move to Seattle!"
11
You Bishes all sound like Mrs. Solomon.

Except @8. You sound like the same Larouchite nut case you've always been.
12
Yeah...the stranger pretty much sux...so...i guess you suck less for the existential realization...sooo not over you not endorsing Nikkita yet...I am not sure I can get over that one...
13
you know what really sucks? I HAVE MORE STUFF THAN SPACE!! HELP ME, STRANGER!
14
Traffic sucks but lets endorse tearing up Pine Street, 2nd Ave and 4th to create bike lanes for the 3 entitled lawyers who can afford to commute from Capitol/Queen Anne Hills to their fancy offices downtown. Bike commuters are the smuggest, whitest, male demographic in the city and yet we coddle them like they are the majority. Seattle's desire to be a Portlandia sketch runs contrary to the actual utilitarian needs of the masses.
15
@2 I remember when Savage Love had the initial greeting of "Hey, Faggot!"
SL continues to be my main Stranger read.
@3 and @14: Thank you for the reminder of why my relocation out of Seattle in 1997 was a wise one (who knew?), only I never knew the incoming shitstorm would be THIS bad 20 years later. From what I have read and heard, I can't imagine or even afford living in SanFranSeattle now--especially when my last month's rent in Ballard for a one bedroom with a single garage parking space back then was---wait for it----$560 / month.
I'm not bragging, folks. That's the sad, honest truth of what once was.
16
#5 is absolutely correct. Mostly a bunch of scoldy articles on how to deal with your white guilt (and don't kid yourself, the Stranger is a white paper).
17
@14 - that is absolutely true. They try to paint biking as some populist thing but most the bikers I know are middle management with expensive bikes.