Blogs Jul 6, 2009 at 3:30 pm

Savage Love Letter of the Day

Dan Savage
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Comments

1
It will be interesting to see if/how Klinghoffer tries to rationalize this letter into something that vibes with his narrow worldview.
Hernandez on July 6, 2009 at 3:40 PM Report this
2
Unalloyed delight. Yay.
gloomy gus on July 6, 2009 at 3:51 PM Report this
3
Yay!

Almost makes me want to try to distill my whining into letter form.

Only, I'm trivial and boring and foreign.
Sili on July 6, 2009 at 3:59 PM Report this
4
I believe there was some talk of a finder's fee? Wear something loose.
Dougsf on July 6, 2009 at 3:59 PM Report this
5
I don't doubt that there are many women that want to open up a relationship. The fact that the guy who is kind of a push over is willing to let the X in ... is just still highly suspect to me.

I don't think he really WANTS to open the relationship up, but maybe he is just being GGG.
former tri-state on July 6, 2009 at 4:20 PM Report this
6
Dan Savage, FTW.
Carollani on July 6, 2009 at 4:23 PM Report this
7
Stevie McNair's chick-on-the-side was very interested in non-monogamous variety in Healthy Relationships.
Hey Dan, I think she was even a gun owner, too!
Your kind of gal!!
on July 6, 2009 at 4:25 PM Report this
8
Because no one has ever been murdered by their presumed-to-be-mongamous spouse. Just task Laci Peterson.
Dan Savage on July 6, 2009 at 4:37 PM Stranger Staff
9
Dan, you're drunk. Go home.
Fifty-Two-Eighty on July 6, 2009 at 4:41 PM Report this
10
Laci's husband was firmly in the "non-monogamous, looking for some variety" camp, Dan; he's one of yours...
on July 6, 2009 at 4:42 PM Report this
11
I don't know if this will help, David. He'd just say that she will change her mind when she wants to have kids, and regret her past. At least, that's what he told the other(s) that wrote in.
kim in portland on July 6, 2009 at 4:46 PM Report this
12
No, he was in the dishonest-piece-of-shit-pretending-to-be-monogamous-when-he-was-not camp, which makes him one of yours. The "monogamous" camp is crawling with those guys.
Dan Savage on July 6, 2009 at 4:50 PM Stranger Staff
13
Those guys are not "monogamous".

The "dishonest-piece-of-shit-pretending-to-be-monogamous-when-he-was-not" guys are just "open relationship" guys whose wife won't go along with it.
on July 6, 2009 at 4:55 PM Report this
14
@9,

He has a point.

I spent many years counseling women in Domestic Violence situations, though an evangelical Christian program. I met too many women, who suffered at the hands of their monogamous spouse, thrown down stairs, heads held in the toilet, guns put to their heads while they were sodomized, arms broken, etc.. There are sick people who are monogamous and sick people who are not. It's a reality in this world.
kim in portland on July 6, 2009 at 4:57 PM Report this
15
You've made an old man very happy.
Vince on July 6, 2009 at 4:59 PM Report this
16
14
And those guys were violent abusers because they were monogamous?
What exactly is the point?
on July 6, 2009 at 5:00 PM Report this
17
It is to the detriment of message boards everywhere that we must debate such things. How some people can be so certain in regards to things they know nothing about apart only from what their gut and reptilian brain tells them, it depresses me.
slaggy on July 6, 2009 at 5:05 PM Report this
18
16:

The point is their are abusive people who are monogamous and some abusive people that are not monogamous.
kim in portland on July 6, 2009 at 5:05 PM Report this
19
Hey KiM:

But the statistics on abuse show that most abuse is committed by men against others - mostly women. Please see http://www.aidv-usa.com/statistics.htm . In my opinion, most of the people who are abusive have internalized a patriarchical world view. Not that domestic violence has any relationship to BDSM ... I'm jsut commenting ....
Theo Magyar on July 6, 2009 at 5:15 PM Report this
20
He's made a lot of people happy, #15.
jade on July 6, 2009 at 5:19 PM Report this
21
Hey Theo,

I don't personally know of any correlation between abuse or BDSM. I was only refering to the lack of correlation between non-monogamy and abuse, from my actual experience. I don't doubt the statistic on abuse showing that most abuse is committed by men against others- mostly women. All though, again from my personal experience, there are abusive women, too. I worked with some as well.
kim in portland on July 6, 2009 at 5:26 PM Report this
22
mature, secure, and honest people doing something that only affects them and will probably make them happy.

I can certainly see why people are up in arms about this.
rara avis on July 6, 2009 at 5:41 PM Report this
23
I dunno... Something about it sets my spider senses tingling... I have a feeling her boyfriend will not enjoy it as much as he says he will. But maybe I'm just projecting.
matt! on July 6, 2009 at 5:48 PM Report this
24
Don't forget: NSA has promised Dan (and, I hope, the rest of us who clearly aren't having nearly as much fun in our OWN bedrooms, otherwise why would we obsess about HER situation so much?) that she will let him know how it turns out. So presumably the GGG boyfriend will tell her how it was for him, too. And the ex. And NSA herself! Can't wait!
Sarah in Olympia on July 6, 2009 at 7:50 PM Report this
25
This has got to be some of the worst advice you've ever given, Dan. Telling her to go for it, fuck the old boyfriend who did it for her in front of/with the new boyfriend who doesn't do it for her, so he can pick up pointers? I see him weeping in the corner, or hating her and himself after. Maybe a 3-way, sure, but with the most recent ex? You kinda surprise me here, pal.
on July 6, 2009 at 10:12 PM Report this
26
35: It WAS a threesome she had planned, one which apparently both dudes are excited about. Read the original letter.
Grist on July 7, 2009 at 12:00 AM Report this
27
@19 The violence and aggression, like the patriarchy, come from the testosterone. This isn't some political problem that we will be rid of someday. It's an ugly part of the human condition that we will always be struggling against.
on July 7, 2009 at 4:31 AM Report this
28
#23. All he has to do is watch and learn. They're not inviting this guy into their lives (NSA doesn't want polyamory). Just one night to show him how it's done. And I like the fact that the ex wants to meet with him first. That shows a level of maturity and respect that even I wasn't expecting.
jade on July 7, 2009 at 4:46 AM Report this
29
Hey Dan you dropped the ball: They should not just do it, but film it for HUMP!
Fe Man on July 7, 2009 at 8:11 AM Report this

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