I just read your latest column this morning and am shocked—SHOCKED—that you didn't go ape-shit on the woman who falsely accused her ex-boyfriend of rape. I understand that it wasn't the main point of the letter and that she didn't go to the police to make this accusation, but what if her current boyfriend had believed her and DID go to the police? Would it not have ruined the other guy's life? This is no youthful indiscretion. This is an ethical failing of mammoth proportions that undermines the credibility of women who ARE raped and had the potential to destroy her ex's life. This ain't no shoplifting charge.

Gotta say, this week's column was chock full of doozies. I think the father who is sleeping with the daughter's friend is completely deluded and the friend sleeping with the father AND talking about the daughter should be drawn and quartered. I'm 100% on the daughter's side on this one. The "happy" couple will be lucky if she ever wants to speak to them again. The farting in the mouth thing—ewww indeed. I think your feedback for that guy was right on.


In my defense, K, I did bring up the possibility of the boyfriend going to the police. ("What would've happened if your then-current [now-ex] boyfriend had gone to the police? Or taken the law into his own hands? Thank God your then-current [now-ex] boyfriend didn't believe you."). And I didn't go apeshit on her not just because the false rape accusation wasn't the main point of the letter (I go apeshit on people all the time over stuff that isn't the point of the letter!), but because the false accusation was made fifteen years ago, and the one person she told this lie to—her then-boyfriend—didn't believe her.

But, yes, perhaps I should've come down harder on her and made an example of her to others who might be so foolish as to make false accusations of rape. The debate rages in the comments on the column itself. Another letter from a disappointed "Savage Love" reader/criminal prosecutor after the jump.

What a terrible blunder you made in your advice to CLG. The otherwise excellent advice was marred by this phrase: "no person is defined by the two worst mistakes she ever made. I’m referring to 1) cheating and 2) making a false accusation of rape."

I don't really give a crap about the cheating part of this—getting cheated on isn't the end of the world, and statistically, it's probably happened to all of us at one time or another. I contend, however, that making a "false accusation of rape" does define the false-accuser as a genuinely bad person. Let me explain:

I'm a prosecutor. I like prosecuting. I like putting rapists in jail. It makes me feel like I'm doing a little bit of good in the world. But oftentimes, it's a world of "he-said she-said" which makes for a low conviction rate. Throw in the common perception that "she wanted it because she was dressed like that," and my conviction rate drops even further. Now throw in a couple of highly-publicized cases where the "victim" made the whole thing up, and I have a jury predisposed to disbelieve the victim.

One example from my personal caseload: Woman calls her boyfriend, crying, saying she has just been raped and needs a ride home. Boyfriend calls police, and police respond, take victim to a hospital for a rape kit, where she has vaginal and anal trauma consistent with her rape claim. Police arrest 5 patrons of the bar where the rape took place. Two days later, police receive the surveillance tape from the security cameras inside the bar, which clearly show the woman very willingly pulling a train. Last I heard, all the military personnel lost their careers, most lost their families, and all will forever have the stigma of a rape accusation attached to the names. In my mind, there is a difference between the participants: the woman is a bad person, and the guys who screwed her should not be judged by the biggest mistake they ever made in their lives. Unfortunately, that's not the way it's going to work out in a case like this.

In the example above, the "victim" not only cheated on her bf and ruined the careers of 5 people, she made everyone involved in investigating/prosecuting the case just a little bit less likely to believe the next real rape report they get. And that, IMHO, makes her a bad person.

Anywho, love the column, been reading since the "Hey Faggot" days. Just thought you missed the mark on that one.

Please Don't Use My Name