I was just having a conversation with my boyfriend. He says that sometimes when he is masturbating in an inconvenient place or position or something, he eats his cum when he is finished. He says that this is normal and that lots of guys do it. He also says that it doesn't turn him on, but rather he does this out of convenience. What do you think? Is this really weird?

In Love But Concerned

My response after the jump...

Concerned, ILBC? About what? That your boyfriend's gonna drown?

Oh, wait: you're probably worried that your boyfriend is super-top-secretely gay, and that eating his own come—it's not cum, ILBC, it's never cum—is how he simultaneously satisfies and suppresses his urge to guzzle come. And you're really worried that one day your boyfriend is going to leave you, come out of the closet, and run away and join the come-guzzling circus.

And that's a real possibility—your boyfriend could be a closet case. But so could any girl's boyfriend, come-eater or no.

Fact is, a lot of boys—straight and gay—eat their own come after they beat off. I wouldn't call it normal, but it's not an uncommon clean-up strategy, particularly boys with parents who frown on masturbation; it's a pretty damn effective way to destroy the evidence. ("Look Ma, no crusty socks!") And if your boyfriend were gay, ILBC, and satisfying his desperate thirst for come with his own spunk, he would feel too conflicted and ashamed about what he was doing to tell his girlfriend about it.